dare i be so bold...

as to say i'm back? it'd be nice...but maybe this is just another visit, i don't know. i blog all the time in my head, though. just never really have the time to sit down and type it out. there are so many other hundreds of things i haven't yet gotten to...things i'm pretty severely behind on...but here i sit. must be time, i guess.

so i had the baby. a girl, ifyoucanbelieveit. i'm having a hard time believing it myself. things i forgot about having a newborn...

it is exhausting. like, i know what exhausting means. i understand intellectually what it means when someone says they're exhausted. i've even described myself as exhausted, and i really thought i was at the time. but i don't know that i've really experienced exhaustion in its truest sense since my youngest son turned a year old. but now...oh, now...i am really getting reacquainted with exhaustion. and really, i'm being a weinie about it because my baby girl, she sleeps pretty well, nurses pretty well...shame on me for complaining. but i will add, as a disclaimer, that i'd been getting a good eight hours a night for at least four years, and this has been quite a descension, which spell check says is not a word, but i'm saying it is.

healing...i forgot what healing was like after birth.

well, i hear a sweet fragile little cry coming my way. and it makes my breasts feel as though they're going through the little roller thing at the car wash that you send the chamois through...can't think of the word for some reason. anyway...i'll try again tomorrow.

mostly, though, it's really good. my therapist said, "love always softens you." and it's true. we're all just gloppy gloopy messes around here. milk, tears, smiles, spit up, laughter, sometimes a little drool...i think she may be each of her brothers first true love...and we are all grateful.

peace