joy

tonight, i can't help myself...i feel joy. i don't know if it's a delirium brought on by exhaustion and stress, if it was church, if it's the smiles and touches of my children, if it's the help and support given me my friends and family...those things are always a part of my life. but tonight...i feel joy.

i looked at the trees tonight, empty and bare...stark. my grass is brown and flat. and it reminded me, in a way it's only done since i moved to this town, of the seasons of life. only since i've been here have i really noticed the barrenness of winter and craved the green life that spring brings. and it has often made me aware of the seasons of life. i have felt like much of the last year has been winter. when i went through my calendar at the end of this last year, i was relieved to be reminded of all the green times i had forgotten. my seasons definitely cycle a little quicker than the trees...but that's okay. i was thinking tonight about how the brown grass will be green again...and maybe it holds the joy of knowing that time will come. but then it must also hold the knowledge that winter will always come, and spring again. and how both of those things exist always. and it helped me hold my own knowledge. of the stark and the lush. of the brown and the green. the death and the life. the sadness, fear, loneliness, and anger as well as the happiness, courage, company, and joy.

and tonight, i just can't shake this joy. and for that, i am thankful.

peace