what was i thinking about?...

i had these two awesome ideas to write about today.  i can't remember them.  well, that's not true.  i remember the first one.  but then i remember i had another idea...and i liked it more than the first...and, well, i can't remember what it was....

damn it.

well, the first idea was about how i've had this sort of turtle posture for awhile.  like how a turtle draws its head into its shell when it's worried...or unsure...or a little freaked out...or scared...or some other little turtle-y feeling.  and i think i've been doing that for so long (like the last year or so) that i've figured out why my neck and throat and shoulders are always so freaking tight.  so relaxing those parts of me helps.  but i also need a mental reminder...something to focus my thoughts and not just change my physical stance (because i will go right back to what i was doing as soon as the thought "drop my shoulders" goes through my mind).  so on this vacation, i was listening to the indigo girls.  something i haven't done in a really long time.  and i listened to this song called 'hammer and nail.'  the chorus says...gotta get out of bed and get a hammer and a nail, learn how to use my hands, not just my head, i'll think myself into jail, now i know a refuge never grows, from a chin in a hand and a thoughtful pose, gotta to tend the earth if you want a rose.  so instead of just thinking about all i have to do, all that's going on, getting overwhelmed, drowning, trying to tuck my head in my shell...i'm just going to use my hands and tend the earth.  gardening would be awesome, but that's not the only tending i'm talking about.  i'm just going to get up and do something.  and i won't get everything done.  i will forget some things.  this is what i already do.  i'm not looking to improve my productivity or memory or efficacy.  i am looking to improve my attitude...my sense of peace...my spirit, i guess.  i think i still have one of those...somewhere around here...or down in here, whichever.

vacation was awesome.  it was so fun.  i can't remember the last time i just had fun for nine days straight.  well, there was one day when my husband lost our keys at a ski resort, in feet of snow, in a mountain that was being heavily snowed upon, with all of our kids freezing and waiting and his family waiting on us.  but it turned out fine.  (because stressed-out turtle girl brought an extra set of keys...just sayin.)  so maybe i can't count that whole day as fun.  but it was new year's eve, and i got my drink on when we got back to the cabin, hung out with the kids, watched the grown men play a game i'd brought for the little ones...it was good times.  and i'm glad to be home.  i even surprised myself by putting away christmas today.  in a whole new organized fashion...we're going to try to get the garage under control.  and it didn't even stress me out.  it was kind of pleasant.

my cyber tribe has asked for updates and pictures of the kiddos again.  because posting them on my blog is easier than figuring out how to do it on the forum, i'll try that tomorrow.

peace