want ad....

oh, for the love of god, where's a secretary when you need one?... i am not such a good scheduler these days. i mean, i actually got the bills paid before the first of the month and i don't think i had one late fee this month, and i want a party for this...or a gift of appreciation or something.

i am so over scheduling this month, it's insane. but then i have all those nice little weekdays between the weekends to try to make my house look completely different from what it normally looks like. why do i do this? why does the possibility that old friends and possibly my mother and most of N's family coming to visit this month make me think i need to hurry up and paint my whole house, get some damned curtains up, and FIND MY BEDROOM FLOOR.....shouldn't it make me think i should just go ahead and start some preventative therapy?

so i told N we were going to focus on cleaning house this morning and today while he was at work. and the kids are sitting here on the video game (all three littles watching big bro playing zelda...kind of cute, really) and i'm reading blogs and blogging. there's a notebook here....maybe i should make a list. actually, there are notebooks all over my house so that if i have any thought i'd be unhappy to forget i can write it down.

there are many things i've been thinking about writing lately...

i want to write a review of a book the kids and i read together called "chasing vermeer" that we liked a lot.

i want to write about how adults pass their intolerance of themselves on to their children and that's why we should fear them sometimes. how we truly do have to learn how to forgive ourselves so others can....

i want to write about what a mindfuck this whole residency experience is...how sometimes my spouse totally insults me by falling asleep when i'm talking about how i wish our lives supported me like they do him...and then he wakes me up and tells me how much he loves me and am i sure i'm up for this? (uh, i'm sorry, I HAVE A CHOICE?!?!?! hehe, just joking...i know i do. but why the hell would i back out now?)

i want to write about how i was telling my oldest son that he likes the analytical part of learning something new, but doesn't want to do the menial repetitive tasks that are also required to master something....and how when i said that, my bil said, "that's how i am, too" and then i realized, we were all like that to some extent....

i want to write my 82 year old grandfather a card and tell him how much i love him and how much i think about him just because he's a wonderful person.

i hope my secretary's getting all of this...
peace

(can i just say that while spell check often doesn't like that i don't capitalize, well, anything when i write, i find it hilarious that spell check thinks "mindfuck" should be two separate words...yeah well....not this time)