some....very.....slow.....thoughts......

my computer is running soooo damned slowly this morning. i'm about to have a stressed induced stroke, i think. not really. i am actually handling it well, but i am aware that i'm handling it well, which tells me i'm getting kind of close to not handling it well....

i have a plan for today. i've told my kids my plan, and they seem to think it just might work. it's hard when your dad works nights, but just a couple more weeks and we'll be passed this madness...

today, we're going to run errands and do a bit of schooling early. stop when dad wakes up and hang out and eat. then, once dad leaves, we'll finish our school work. but we're pretty loose. we'll see how this goes.

hoperadio was reminding me that i am in charge of this educational journey and i could call a break. but i feel such pressure (inside myself) to push forward a bit more before we take some time off. but far be it for me to ignore the advice of a woman in her state of clarity right now, so i am relaxing my claw-like grip a little. (well, the knuckles are a little pinker anyway...)

i had some other things i was thinking about this morning, but this computer thing has just got me allllllll disjointed... geez, am i fragile or what? (rolling eyes here)

oh, i got my hallways painted. "milk chocolate"....i am in heaven. makes me want to break out and get started on everything else i want to paint. (yeah, since the three hallways only took me two months....shit)

and last thing...i got a "season's greetings from the austin marathon" this morning. oh yeah. i kind of forgot about that.... it told me that there would be 36 bands along the running route and cheerleaders from different high schools cheering me on. are we talking high school bands? or "keep austin weird" bands? because there's a huge difference and it just might affect my motivation. :) and the cheerleaders...dude, i do not need high school girls bouncing around reminding me of what my body used to be like. although, i suppose if i watch them close enough, i'll be grateful for the wisdom my body has carried me to... i've honestly decided if i can get one run a week in for december, i can resume true training once N is back to working days again, because i am not finding the time while he's sleeping all day. and i've learned that no, i can't just run at night because i am too fucking tired and feel like i might be dying every quarter mile...and that is too much of a head game for me right now with too little pay off...

ok, i do believe that is it. i am now going to leave my house and try to maintain some feeling of christmas cheer while gone...wish me luck!
peace