channel

today was good. i am bone tired...but today was good.

my oldest is at what is called discipleship week. he's spending four days and three nights with a team of kids, learning about his faith and, i imagine mostly, himself. it is an awesome experience to get to watch a young person develop their own spirituality, to be able to share in some of that, be inspired and touched by it. it's been raining like crazy around our area...and though he's spending the week four hours away from here, i imagine he may be getting a little rain, too. i've been praying for him today. we miss him like crazy around here. but there is also a peace, i must admit. no heavy metal playing, no electric guitar in the background. it's not something we're looking for everyday. but knowing that he is off doing important work makes the peace appropriate. i'm sure i'll be crazy electric guitar by the time he gets home.

last weekend was a crazy one. my spouse begins his fourth year of residency next month...you know, on thursday. but he pulled call like a fourth year this weekend, heretofore called chief call. chief call sucks. in the beginning, i'm told. i'm told after the first few months, the other residents will stop calling the chief on call all the time. one can hope, but i don't know... i mean, i guess it must be true, because seriously, how could you ever convince someone to take chief call for a whole year if this is how it's going to go? my spouse tries very hard to avoid cesarean deliveries. but all weekend, someone else would call for a cesarean and my spouse would have to come in and do it...even though he wasn't necessarily part of the team that lead up to the decision. and he was called...let me tell you... at seven on friday night. again at two on saturday morning. then he rounded on everyone at six on saturday morning. then another cesarean at two on saturday afternoon. and rounding on everyone sunday morning, with removing an ectopic pregnancy thrown in after rounds. then another cesarean at three o'clock this morning...at which point he just stayed at the hospital for rounds at five and went on with his day, which ended at seven tonight. i took one kid rock climbing practice and the rest swimming so the doc could just come home and sleep. by the time we made it back to pick up the kiddo from climbing practice, in the DRIVING RAIN, he was still asleep and hasn't moved, except to kick off his covers and snore.

babiest girl had a heck of a night. she really enjoys swimming. she really does not enjoy driving in wall to wall rain. and it was such a slow drive.... but her three brothers that were in the car did their best to entertain her, and we made it home and cooked some dinner, bathed her in the kitchen sink, and started nursing her. but she didn't quite fall asleep. and then she got so overtired and wound up, she was kind of absolutely crazy there for awhile. she was biting and tensing and just having a hard time of it. i would hug her tight, and that would help her out for about two minutes. so i just held her and rocked her and it took almost an hour for her to settle into a restless but completely resigned sleep. and while i felt sorry for her that she had such a rough night...and i looked at my diet to figure out what i ate that could've made things so tough for her (too much sugar today...doh)...i have a small confession to make. i did it. i was able to help her fall asleep, help her work through her frustration, and i didn't absorb it. i didn't reflect it. i didn't even feel anything but sympathy for her. so i did it. and i am proud of that. kind of crazily so, because i am very tired. and i also did another good thing tonight. i let the doc sleep. it was kind of hard because it felt like i was doing something nice for him...and i'm ashamed to say, that kind of thinking always makes me think about what has he done that's nice for me lately?...and then i get all frustrated and don't do anything nice for him. but what i did tonight wasn't nice so much as a good thing. he's been getting kind of bossy and unpleasant with the kids, so i just felt like i needed to do something good for the household...everyone in it. i don't know who will appreciate it, or if anyone will. but i think it'll bring good things to my house, and for that i am grateful.

i really think that praying is important. i know that when i do it, i open myself up and good things come through. not something born in me. something that already is good moves through me. and tonight, i felt very humbled and very grateful to be able to channel that. it exhausts me. but it's a good exhaustion to feel like you wore yourself out doing something that put good out there. i imagine it is very similar to the exhaustion my sister and her partner are feeling with their three little ones. yep, i've been praying for them, too.

and good things happened for me today, too. i spent a little time in the sun. i read a book today. holy shmoly, a whole book. yep, it was really short. but i got to finish it. and that was incredible. and some laundry got done, and food was prepared, plans made for the week, a little cleaning done. i'm taking care of my other friend's adopted daughter tomorrow night. another chance to be a channel. i better go get some rest so i'm up for it.

peace