holy moly, racamoni

we are such a diverse and varied people...and our egos just really mess it all up. ok, just kidding. our egos just add another dimension to our diversity and variety. (another big, huge dimension)

yesterday was an emotional day. not that that's a bad thing. i had another blog entry started a few days ago about how i find myself focused on good, or positive, or even attractive things. let me explain... i think a lot while i'm driving. when i was focusing a few years back on the God in everyone, i would look at people on the road, in their cars, and think, "that's God. that person has God in them, and that person...and that one that just honked at me and flipped me off has God in them, too." so yesterday, i was driving and thinking about how when i see people laughing in a car, i want to smile. when i see people fighting in a car, i want them to stop. but that i need to work to retrain myself to be okay with the natural progress of things and the fact that fighting isn't always bad or to be avoided or even to be ended. hence, the attraction to good, positive, attractive, but the missing of the value of bad, negative, or unattractive moments. (and those adjectives are all qualified and quantified based on my perspective, so it's not like they're absolute) anyway....

so yesterday was emotional, but that's not a bad thing. i have some prayers for my nephew, but they're also for all of us lifting my nephew up as we also hold him in our hearts. that we're all searching to find the truth in us and have the courage to make it the truth of our lives. that we have the strength to believe we are capable of good and try to do it. that we have the faith in each other to raise each other up. that we rise on our own, and not on each other's backs. that we treat each other the way Jesus treated people.

mostly, i just want my nephew to have faith in his ability to make a good choice. i think he gets so defeated that he doesn't want to try. he's tired of failing, so he fails in his own way and he's not surprised when people are disappointed with him. but i know he wants to do things differently. i feel that. and i just pray that he finds his faith and his courage. i love him and i care about him and his health, his mind, his spirit. i want him to find a little peace. i wish he knew how to be quiet with himself, and alone. and i think he wishes he knew how to as well. but i don't know how to show him....

ok, consider this sent to God's inbox...
peace