eve eve

so it's new year's eve eve, right? oh, just get the hell on with it and let's get this new year started already!...

yeah, i'm still sunshiney and all...

yesterday's therapy included just laying on my bed, not allowing lists to formulate in my mind...just resting in myself, listening to my heartbeat, my breath. man...it felt like waking up in a new climate. well, waking up in the bathtub was definitely like waking up in a new climate...literally. but not putting my mind forward in time...trying to anticipate, run damage control, plan, get ahead, try to remember, try to forget... it was like when my kids have the tv on loud and i've got the radio on and then the power goes out...and everything gets so quiet. even the refrigerator shuts up (although i never realize how loud the fridge is until it's off). that's how it felt during my own little self led therapy session yesterday. then i fell asleep. which was probably just icing on my cake....chocolate, of course.

i am hoping tomorrow to write some sort of resolutions....prayers....hope for myself....goals that if i put them into words, might help me stay on track to working toward them. but i will be sure to drink a glass of wine first so as not to get all idealistic and crap....because i do not need to be setting myself up for failure. that would just really get me on one of my more cynical days.

ok, still have some detoxing to do. i think it will just take time. and my smudge stick. and some help from N with a little personal space. but maybe we'll go blow a gift certificate too. a little retail therapy. after we find some more stuff to donate, of course...hehe...my inconsistency is hanging out...oh well...

peace