crazy coconuts and those who love them...

weird title...just felt like putting that, i guess. see, this whole journey through realizing there was something going on with my breast and labia that required medical attention to now has just been surreal. we and i have undergone so many changes and shifts in the last three years, that trying to explain to people that i finally went to a midwife, who then broke the news that i had to see a doctor just doesn't impress many that it's that big of a deal. but then most of them don't know that i stopped vaxing e and stopped well-doctor appts, too. and i'm sure i'll catch him up. but it's hard to share with people who are so excited your spouse is becoming a doctor your distrust with doctors and the medical establishment. and poor N, taking it personal and all. when he doesn't realize that he's probably the only reason i have motivation to find a balance in my opinions and information.... ahhh, pass the coffee, it's one of those mornings...

i'm going to read today. i was going to get the kids out to a park day, but since s has started puking this morning, well, seems it's in the cards we stay home. i'm wondering if it's in the cards we miss jacob's birthday party, too, but that i can be patient for... my dogs are so restless...i'm about to send these mamas out... my kids are sitting at the table...n's working an iq book someone gave him for christmas, o's working through a comic book activity book, s's in the shower, poor guy, and e's sleeping in this morning. i guess i should try to get some stuff done around here.

oh, my title...i talked to a girlfriend last night, and as is common, my first telling of what's going on leaves people with the impression i maybe have a splinter or something... ok, not really, but comparatively accurate. then, when i speak to them again, a few weeks later, and i'm still talking about this breast/labia thing, they're like, "wait a minute, what's going on? i thought you'd be past this by now..." so then i commence to a retelling, and it's all serious and supportive and stuff..."cancer" gets thrown around and they tell me who they know that might know something... it's crazy. it's wonderful and exhausting, all at the same time. i so love and appreciate knowing i have mama friends who will be here if i need them. it's weird, how many times i've wondered, "do i need someone? am i being a weinie?" but shit, man, this could be cancer, so i think it's ok to call if the need arises... (am i pathetic or what?) so i leave it up to the reader to decide who's the coconut and who's loving them, because right now, i really have no idea... :)

peace