night

i go outside at night. i receive things from the stars...the sky...the moon...the clouds. tonight it was clear and the stars shone like diamonds...so clear. it made me think of the days i used to want diamonds to wear, and here was a whole sky full of them. silly me...

i have something boiling in me. not an angry boil, like when i forget i'm boiling water and it's almost all gone and there's just this thin layer of water, all moving, so quickly, so frantically. well, it kind of feels that way. but it's not that. maybe it's more like a night sky when a front blows in...moon trying to glow, stars trying to shine, clouds moving all over the place, the wind howling...

i ignore my intuition sometimes. it often screams at me to write...i guess a communion of myself, my thoughts, words. an outlet for so much of what moves in me. but i think i tend not to do it when the words are not concrete, have no ending, no resolution. it's so frustrating to see it all end in a question...no answers.

but tonight i write. and there are still no answers. but the sea goes on. the night still falls. tomorrow, i will see the morning come. i have to get up early to send n on his way. he's going with his dad to help out in his grandfather's pharmacy. he's very proud of this. i know that because he told all the kids at his chess club today. i'm proud of him, too. and so is his dad.

there are many things i still need to get done. it occurs to me there will always be things to be done. what a drag...(smile)

sometimes all i want to do is think. and take a hot bath. and lay in cool, clean sheets...reading to my kids, laughing, smiling.

and sometimes all i want to do is do. make new cages for my rabbits, bathe my dogs, paint my living room and bedroom, organize crap, plant a garden.

tomorrow, i guess i'll do a little of both. and then i'll see what the sky holds for me tomorrow night. and maybe drink a glass of wine. and then maybe take that bath after i hold my children and smile at them.

diamonds...huh.
peace

ps--a new baby girl made her way into the world tonight. something in her birth stirred something in me very deeply...it was truly a beautiful and natural entrance...guided by a secure and loving mama and papa. i'm inspired by their faith...that's her middle name...but i didn't mean it that way. well, not the first time i wrote it. but i am inspired by both their faith and their faith. peace mama moon...