huh?

i watched mr. holland's opus with my kids tonight. i desperately needed a feel good movie and it delivered righteously. but then one of those one line picks up where another left off moments happened. during the movie, there's a segment where they play jackson browne's song, the pretender. and i got all nostalgic. my mother used to love that song. she had his album and we used to play it a lot. i loved the pretender and, what was it? was it running on empty? i'm not sure anymore. my mother was a big jackson browne fan.

so i went to you tube to watch the video and i read the words to the song and, well, first i thought maybe i wasn't reading them right. and maybe i didn't. it's been a tiring few days and i am plenty capable of mistakes, even when i'm not impaired. but "starting out so long ago only to surrender"? and "believe in the lie of those things that money can buy"? there were other lines, too. i don't know... but i will say, that after reading the words while listening to this song that i am not so sure i feel inspired by the message of, i find i can't help but feel that good kind of nostalgic feeling while hearing it still. and that's kind of how i feel about so much of my childhood. like i am seriously warped because of the nostalgia i feel for things that kind of sicken me?... does that make sense? i don't know...

my spouse and i argued today. it came down to what we value, as people. it was this discussion about how what he values doesn't mean that he doesn't value what i value (because they can be kind of different, depending what level we're talking about). which i understand. but it seems if i tell him something i'd like him to do, even if he doesn't value it....and i don't mean tell him like once or twice...we've been together for fifteen years this month....and if he values me, then maybe...anyway...sigh...some thoughts just never seem as powerful or even relevant in words as the emotion that accompanied them when they were born (or reborn for the hundredth time, i guess).

so here's jackson browne's song...see what you think...i'm not judging it or anything...i was just kind of surprised to see the actual words to this song i used to sing with all of my eight year old heart...but oddly, maybe i am starting to figure out why my mother's so disappointed with me?...

peace