moving along....

or left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot....

so little bit (what we call e around here) slept on the couch yesterday morning and then had a long, heavy nap when he got home after rock climbing. before he'd fall asleep, he'd say his stomach hurt. then he'd sleep. then he'd wake up and be fine. i don't think he fell asleep until 11:30 last night....which is late, so i want to whine a bit about it, but considering the nap he took at 4:00 in the afternoon, it really wasn't too late. and we stayed up having conversations like, "is God sleeping with us?" and "do you know why you're a girl, mommy? because you're a mama" and "this is a bed because we lay down in it. and it's a sharing bed because everyone fits in it." although, we didn't fit too well... i usually move him onto a "bed" i made him on the floor, but because it was so late when he fell asleep, my neck is all out of whack. oh well.... it's all good.

and today, n wakes up and says, "my stomach hurts and i don't feel BAD...but i don't feel GOOD." yeah, he's growing up. fine line and all.... so if this is a virus...woo-hoo because it only lasted maybe twelve hours at the most with e... and today is our "stay home and catch up on all we got behind with yesterday" day.

the other day on the treadmill... i don't know how to frame this. see, i get on the treadmill and decide if i'm going to run for 20 or 30 minutes. then i start. but when i start, i have to relax my shoulders because as soon as i push start, it's like the anticipation or maybe it's just impatience for the next 20 or 30 minutes to be OVER...it builds up. it's like i'm a train, and all my carts are moving faster than standard time. so behind me (behind my neck, to be exact), there builds up all this expectation, this hurriedness...like i'm looking ahead to the fabric of the future. but it makes getting through the presence really hard, because i'm working with extra cars on my neck or trying to run through all those FOLDS in the fabric i've bunched up. so i have to make a good, kind mama voice in my head and tell myself to relax and settle down and get through it. it'll be fine. see, i think this is a huge part of my commitment to be a kinder, gentler parent that respects those i'm parenting. because i needed to educate the voice in my head who parents me. i needed to be kinder to myself and learn to respect myself. learn how to make mistakes. learn some damned patience. and i'm patient with myself on this running thing. because i know i do it other times, too. and i wish i'd stop. the parent in me wishes i'd freaking learn not to do that. but the parent in me also respects that the kid in me is learning at her own pace and doing what seems right at the time. so if we can keep trusting each other (yes, i am speaking about myself as though i am two different people...is this a problem?), we'll be fine.

so that was my treadmill thought the other day. keep in mind i am running while thinking these things, so there's probably a good amount of oxygen deprivation going on. ;)

oh, and my kids are watching back to the future right now. we're having an 80s movie marathon this week. they watched big the other day. that was kind of a profound movie for a 13 year old to watch...wanting to grow up and crying with longing to return to the days you skipped of childhood. they thought it was funny. they haven't really commented on the whole marty mcfly almost erased his existence by going back in time and ending up with his mom having a crush on him. and the movie does kind of glorify violence a bit, but i have to admit that it does it in a way that i'm ok with. i mean, bif is all but raping lorraine in the front seat of her car when george drops him. and the whole dr. brown tricking the terrorists for plutonium and then the terrorists shooting him thing....that was kind of weird in a post 911 world... but that was pre-911. all these movies were. and while i'm sometimes shocked by the amount of sexual innuendo in the movies (that i just didn't remember seeing in them when i watched these movies as a child), there is still something kind of innocent to them. or maybe it's just my own innocence attached to them. but i don't think so...because the kids crack up at these movies. it's a fun thing....

ok, let me go run while they watch the rest....

peace

(some traveling mercies to mama c...and peace for papa p and baby s...i'm sure i'll be able to wish in person soon...hehe)

ps--i just wanted to add one more thing...there's a blog i have a link posted to called "no impact man." he's doing a project for a year with zero impact on the world...only there's been a lot of impact. some people think he's crazy, some people admire him, sort of...i think most people find what he's doing interesting or maybe even admirable, but not practical for them. anyway, i was reading today and thought i'd pass along that the october 16th entry was particularly good for me. i mean, most of the last few have been good...but i really liked october 16th. peace out