welcome punkin and a little philosophy

my sister got a new dog yesterday. i think that since things with her ex are kind of really over, and since her ex has the two dogs they adopted when they were together, my sister was ready for a new dog. she got the cutest little girl from a rescue agency. she's so pretty, but my sister says she's pretty skittish. sister actually skipped her linear algebra class this morning to go hang with baby punkin. she says punkin looks like she's going to be a fairly large girl... good, then tallulah won't be the only big one in the family anymore.... so welcome punkin girl....i happen to know you've got a great mama....

so, it was a pretty rough weekend over here. there was a lot of drama at work for N.... it's a weird line interns walk in the world of residents. a lot of people yesterday told him, "shit runs downhill and since you're the low man on the totem pole..." not quite inspiring, but i suppose it was offered more as comfort or support than inspiration. N's a good man...he can learn from his mistakes. (well, more readily when they're mistakes made at work than at home, but this is not about throwing him under a bus....at least not right now...wink) and he knows there are ways he failed the situation at work over the weekend, failed himself, even failed the mama that the situation centered on. but he WAS the low man on the totem pole. (still is) and those above him sure failed him. one resident in particular. and though i think it was comforting to N that so many let him know he was screwed by this one other doctor, it was also uncomfortable to him. because righteousness can be a very powerful tool....one that can be used for things that are not right in themselves, and therefore one he inherently knew was not his to wield.

N has lessons to learn from this, no matter who screwed up MORE. and it's almost kind of cowardly that all these other people have come forward NOW to speak out against this other doc. and N really doesn't need to be distracted right now....he just learned some big fucking lessons, and doesn't need to lose them to some feeding frenzy of people jumping on the coattails of what he went through this weekend. i don't know.

the doc screwed up--there's no doubt in my mind about it. and i was pretty pissed off sunday morning when N came home telling the tale through tears of anger and frustration and, i'm sure, disappointment. but he'd also been at the hospital for 29 hours straight without sleep. and that will fuck with anyone, whether they've had a shitty day or not. and like i told N last night, so many people were offering their hands yesterday, and some of them have been just as stand offish or crappy as the doc who let N down this weekend. anyway.... i don't want to point fingers and i don't want to be suspicious of those who were trying to support N through this. but it's done. the mama who left a.m.a. was called back and had an emergency c-section because of the severe eclampsia she developed. all there is left to do is learn from it. (well, for the team...mama and baby still have a ways to go) and it does no one any benefit to speak badly of them unless you have some suggestions for how to improve or support to offer as they try to improve themselves.

i think some of our friends out here think N and i are big babies for taking this one situation so hard and spending so much time on it. and maybe we are. but what i know is that N and i live our lives with integrity as we see it. it's our lives, our energy, our commitment. and, frankly, i'm tired of putting my emotions in some great cosmic balance to see whether they're ok or not. i can sympathize and empathize with others' situations without diminishing or devaluing my own or even someone else's.

i have more to say on this, but it's a tuesday, and tuesdays are busy for us, so it'll have to wait...
peace