ape brain

so, if i haven't mentioned this before, i just spent four years near houston while my spouse was completing med school. and while i met a lot of awesome women, found a great tribe, i always said, "i could be a much better person if i did not live here where the weather sucks." and as much as i loved the community i lived with, i could never deny in my head that i would be crazy to settle in such a physically uncomfortable climate.

so now i am north of austin, more central in texas, and much farther from a coast line. and it is nice. i sit outside and sense things. it helps my head to take a break when other input avenues are being used... i feel the breeze, hear the leaves, look at the stars or the moon or the clouds. i cannot believe how many different shades of blue the sky can be in one day.

when hope was here the other night, it was so cool she had to bring out a blanket while we sat outside. it was l.o.v.e.l.y.... this is soothing to me....very, very soothing....

we always think of animals as so simple, or dirty, or whatever.... (i mean, hope and i had to put tallulah away to pee outside because, well, it would've been a PROBLEM...you know? and miss kitty used to eat the poo out of e's potty seat...gag) but i know when i sit out there and just sense the world around me...don't think about it, just take it in through each little avenue available...it reminds me of the gorillas i used to love to watch at the zoo in brownsville, the gladys porter zoo. they had so many gorillas...i could spend hours there. just watching them take it in... so simple, but maybe so true?...

anyway, i think it benefits me to spend some time letting my ape brain be in charge. makes my human brain not so cocky, not so arrogant, not so over-important-let-me-be-in-charge-even-though-i-am-way-fucking-in-over-my-head-and-screwing-it-all-up-but-i-CAN-DO-THIS.....

i really like where i live... it lets me be more of the monkey i was meant to be.
peace