cleaning, thinking, and a little faith

so my sil has decided that we did our third born son a disservice by throwing a party for three boys at one time. (but really, how else can you spend over $300 on a birthday party unless you go ahead and celebrate three at a time?...) so she'll be coming up to celebrate and bringing a cake. we celebrated his birthday on his birthday here...but i still offered to make the cake for the party she feels the need to have for him. she declined...said she'd pick it up. maybe she'll go to ye old english bakery and delicatessen...although i wasn't that impressed with the last cake i had from there... (shrugging...)

we have a friend coming to stay with us for a month. he'll be doing a surgery rotation (he's an ms IV--med student, 4th year) here so he can look at the program here, consider applying for residency here. we've never had a house guest for so long. but i'm kind of excited. i really like him...he's a good guy. i'm kind of impressed at how brave he is, coming to stay here with the six of us and all our animals. but then i think about how much it would cost him to rent a furnished place for a month and then i'm just impressed at what people will do out of desperation, which is not the same...

i've been wanting to get my kids some more religion... ok, ok, i know i cannot go buy this in tangible units. but i've been trying to find a way to expose them to more spiritual and religious things... (sounding sooo intellectual right now) i was looking at religious texts, kids books, etc... but i get nervous at how narrow in scope some are. i don't want a conservative, fundamentalist sort of book. i can come up with enough "this isn't what i think" examples without plunking money down on them. so then i was looking at other books. i went on this website for religious tolerance, thinking "yeah, this is what i want." but all the books they recommend are books from a humanist philosophy. which i'm pretty uneducated about. but they say they're definitely for parents who view children as thinking, intelligent people, capable of decision making and thinking for themselves. one said it was for parents who want to teach their kids HOW to think, not WHAT to think. and this all appeals to me. i DO respect my children and their independence. and i DO want them to know HOW to think for themselves, because ultimately, that's who they're responsible to.

but...the great cosmic butt... but i have to admit that there is a part of me that wants to believe, wants the comfort of knowing, that once they've learned how to think and made their independent decisions, that they will agree with me. (this makes me snort on some level, but feel absolutely weepy and pathetic on a more superficial level...so i'm trying to be kind to myself here) because i know they will most likely not agree with me and i will have to live with this disagreeing. i already DO live with "agree to disagree"....i mean, i have a teenager, right?

but here's the other deal... i don't know how N will feel about me exposing the kids to these sorts of philosophies, even if i do believe it's ultimately for the best and will serve them the best in the end.... and THEN...if they do profess their independent but DIFFERENT ideas, well...who's N gonna shoot? (well, i do believe he's catholic enough that he wouldn't actually shoot me, but i DO believe nasty grudges are allowed...and as long as we don't get divorced...almost anything is allowed besides previously mentioned shooting, hanging, or otherwise inflicted death)

so how much balls do i have to have to follow the path i feel in my heart is right? well, not totally "angels singing hallelujah chorus" right, but still ultimately right... i'll keep looking... maybe there's something better out there...something to better temper these other books.

faith, grasshopper...just keep the faith...
peace