random stuff

this is what you title a blog entry when you have no direction sitting down to type, but still feel the need to do it...

we have nothing to do today. i am so happy about this, i almost want to cry--which makes me think maybe it's not exactly happiness that i'm feeling because being happy usually doesn't make me cry. but i'll call it happiness for now.

sometimes i worry that i am really, really lazy. well, that i've BECOME really, really lazy. because i used to do lots. i had those days that included many stops here and there, switching of children and car seats, decorating, cooking, picking up, dropping off... but i have no desire to revisit those. it's like puberty--been there, done that, don't fucking sign me up again, thank you. (although somehow i seem to have gotten signed up sort of again with my sons going through it, but that's another blog)

so i have no desire to be that productive again. haha it's not the productivity that bothers me. it's the busy-ness. i think productivity is great. but i always felt like i was busier than hell and really, not all that productive. or maybe i got stuff done, but really, how much did that stuff matter to me?

so what do i do now? i spend way more time on the computer than i ever have in my life. i also spend more time considering and acting on educating my children than i ever have in my life. i cook more than i ever have in my life. and i think i exercise more than i ever have in my life. i also do more outdoors stuff than, yeah, yeah, there's a pattern to how these statements are ending.... but sometimes, life just seems overwhelming to me. i'm like, "geez, when do i get some downtime?" and then i look back at what i've been up to and think, "well, it's not exactly like i've been busting my balls lately..."

i think i'm going to see if there's a meals on wheels program in this area. who wouldn't love getting food delivered by these cute kids? and yeah, i'll probably have to bribe the kids at first, but maybe they'll figure out that there are interesting people out there that could use a little help, but are fun to be around. maybe, at the very least, they'll just learn that jesus's job wasn't as easy as some people make it sound... but i just feel like i need to get out of my house and affect something beyond my own doors and my own family. and while i know there are plenty of avenues that would snatch my help up in a second, i'd just rather spend it doing one or two things that really matter to me instead of doing a million things that i'm just not sure of their worth.

oh, as an aside. i think i'm going to buy this book called "deep economy". john green talked about it on the brotherhood 2.0 website. it was a very interesting blog he did on it yesterday, and i highly recommend it...if you've got a spare three and a half minutes or so. which can be hard to come by, i realize...

ok, i'm going to go relax a bit. really, i'm going to make my bed and try to run 2 miles. i'm going to remind my oldest child to feed the dogs, and maybe even bathe said dogs later on today. i also might run to the grocery for bread and butter (haha, funny combo) and maybe even academy to pick up some kayak j hooks, so we can take the kayaks out without having to "rig" them up and then pray we don't lose one.... it's been awhile since we've taken the kayaks out and i'm missing it. i think i'll wait til winter to paint inside my house.... whatever seems important today, that's what we'll do. we might rent bridge to terabithia, because i finished reading that to the kids. (and i'll do a blog soon on how bridge to terabithia really touches on my feelings about the whole world later...sort of the book report i never did because somehow, in all my education years, i was never required to read that book)

so that's about it for today...
peace