left foot, right foot, breathe

sooo... our vacation in new mexico was lovely. the kids had so much fun skiing. the snow was beautiful, and we found a good place with each other...a comfortable place. then we got home, threw everything out of the bags and then filled them up for a trip "home" for the holidays. oh, and there was that little trip to the midwife's while i was home, in which she mentioned i might have cancer and sent me to a gynecologist...

so christmas was really nice, but also a tad bit surreal and a teensy bit of a struggle at times. my brother in law bought my children a bb gun. and i told him that it wasn't about the safety of the gun, but the fact that he bought it KNOWING we didn't want it. that we purposely choose not to have guns in our house. and how we didn't do stuff that way when his girls were younger...we respected him and his wife and his family. anyway...so he tells me that it is always ultimately up to the parents what they allow into their house. no apologies, no nothing. and i'm sitting there thinking he has no idea how it's just not a good time to be so divisive... it was pretty hurtful, but whatever...

staying with my mil and fil was awesome, as always. they are two of the best people on the earth. they are so patient and can make you feel good about yourself no matter what an asshole you might really be...

when we got home, we did christmas here with the kids and that rocked... they loved their stuff, and we loved getting it for them and watching them open it. i told them that we enjoyed serving them and hoped they had families as adults that they enjoyed serving...

and i went to the doc. my parents came up to watch the kids so i wouldn't have to go alone. i'll have an ultrasound on my breast in two weeks...

left foot, right foot, breathe...

fully tanked or totally on empty?

we are leaving for vacation saturday... who is stressed out and bitchy when it comes to vacation!?! (besides me...) does it make more sense if we didn't plan the vacation until two days ago?? ugh...

N just left. he thought one of his interviews was saturday, but realized today, once he finally got his cell phone powered up, and retrieved the messages people'd been leaving him since it was dead, that his interview is, in fact, tomorrow (which is friday...). so, he's left for a sudden four hour trip tonight and a looooooong drive home tomorrow so that we can leave for new mexico the next day..... (it is stressing me out just to type this...) to go on a vacation we can't afford...blablabla... i am sure it will be fun and worth it and all those good things once we get there. i wish i was one of those people who handled stress better than this, who found challenges fun and exciting... i'm just not these days. i'm tired and i'm worn and i just want it to be normal, normal, normal. but normal is just too damned stressful!

my good friend was in a wreck tonight. she's a mother of four who also homeschools her kids. she happens to lead a homeschooling group in this area and she means a lot to a lot of people. she means a lot to me. she means a lot to her family. and she was in a wreck. she's ok. she broke her ankle it appears. she also hit her head, and the docs can't decide if they want to keep her overnight or not. she had one of her sons with her, but he was fine. it's just such a fucking "check" when someone you love gets hurt so randomly. we all have to take our knocks...if not directly, then through someone we love, which sometimes hurts more. i guess because our protective instincts are sometimes stronger with loved ones than with ourselves...

my head hurts. i am glad my friend, my sister is well... i will try to be grateful for this vacation opportunity to see more of the world and be fed by nature. i also hope my husband travels safely. traveling mercies, N...

peace

where we are in life

so we're twenty days out from christmas... N's halfway through his last year of med school...going to interviews, mixers...finishing up rotations. they get two months off their last year of med school, so he's off this month. the kids were sick right after thanksgiving, but they're recovering, mostly. n is still feeling yuck, but this is something different than the puking bug they were passing around last week. they're trying to finish up their homeschool classes, but those ended up being so scattered and disorganized this semester that i'm pretty much "done" on that front. n's got the geography bee tomorrow and o's got a musical at some point, but otherwise... oh, and s's supposed to have a night where his music class shows their stuff, too...

anyway, in the midst of all of this N wants to go on vacation. and while i appreciate his vision, his execution leaves a little to be desired... we just outfitted our kids in snow stuff so we could go to new mexico and play in some snow...next week...oi... and he's got a mixer friday night and an interview saturday, four hours away... we're taking the dogs... i'm getting tired just looking at this. help me, help me, help me... (little anne lamott prayer there)

(changing topics here)

part of me would really like to stay in this area for residency. i'm just so torn in so many ways. i really don't even want to have a preference at this stage, mostly. i'd rather not care, you know? ack, i just don't know...

left foot, right foot, breathe.... that's all i got...

let's see here...

so...blogging...i guess we'll see what it evolves into.... someone in my house is having a bad dream. do i even have time to do this?!?! :)