we're baaa-ack...

whew...that was a lot of driving....i am w.i.p.e.d...o.u.t. but i do want to list some of the many "firsts" that occurred on this vacation.

*obviously, this was our first vacation without our patriarch...(uh, after being in utah, i have issues with that word...without our dad, ok? our dad...)
*our first time in utah, where they have beers named things like polygamy porter (can't have just one) and ride the virgin (charming, isn't it?)
*my oldest son's first hike into the canyon...to plateau point, to be exact...which is a twelve mile hike, round trip
*my second born's first time to ride a four wheeler on his own...very empowering experience for him
*my youngest's first time to camp in a tent (that he remembers)....he loved it
*our first hike in a slot canyon...we're addicted and are taking our dad to check one out as soon as we get a chance
*the first vacation i've ever done ALL the driving on...this was crazy, as it involved rain, night, and driving along canyon walls...but i did it, and as the kids say "there were no casualties"
*the first time i've driven 19 hours straight (this one i don't want to repeat)
*my first experience with bodily functions on the side of the road and no bathrooms in sight (this one wasn't planned)
*my oldest's first f-bomb (i don't think this was planned either)
*my first time in a casino
*our first time to visit our friends in their home in arizona
*my oldest's first time to shoot a 9 millimeter, other assorted pistols, and a rifle (this is something our friends in arizona supervised and i was only comfortable with because they are too safe when it comes to guns, which is just the right amount in my book)

and here's a picture of all of us with said guns....we're making our mean faces, pretending we're grouchy cowboys (as opposed to the cheerful ones)...it's fun to let go on vacation and do some things that are totally different from what you'd normally do. (no, i didn't shoot a gun, thankyouverymuch...)

we had a blast...visited the grand canyon, paria canyon, and zion national park. then spent a few days with our friends in arizona. hiked our butts off. bruised our butts, as well. i have lots of pictures to share and some stories to share, as well, but right now, i'm starving, the kids are reacquainting themselves with their video games, and my spouse is bringing me a much wanted and much deserved bottle of wine. i will say all that open road, all those mountains, all that time with my kids, and all that support and love from those we shared space with...i feel great. in a word, it was a freaking blast...

peace

so long, farewell....

yep, we watched the sound of music a few days ago...

so we are going.

i have friends who live in arizona, so i called them, and if the kids are not well enough to enjoy the beauty and wonder and heat of the canyon, we will go sit in air conditioning, and then fish and ride horses and four wheelers and such with our friends. (why didn't i just go there for vacation?!?!....) i am sure we will stop by and visit on our way home no matter what, so we'll be gone a little longer than a week. but as long as they have a washer and dryer (yes, and a beer or two), this is totally do-able.

i will have no computer access...ack...so i will not be checking in. i read this in the beginning of lamb, and i thought i'd put it here...it's called the author's blessing...

If you have come to these pages for laughter,

may you find it.

If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise

and your blood boil.

If you seek an adventure, may this story sing you

away to blissful escape.

If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may

you reach comfortable conclusions.

All books reveal perfection, by what they are or

what they are not.

May you find that which you seek, in these pages

or outside them.

May you find perfection, and know it

by name.

yeah, that. see ya later...
peace

fully tanked or totally on empty?

we are leaving for vacation saturday... who is stressed out and bitchy when it comes to vacation!?! (besides me...) does it make more sense if we didn't plan the vacation until two days ago?? ugh...

N just left. he thought one of his interviews was saturday, but realized today, once he finally got his cell phone powered up, and retrieved the messages people'd been leaving him since it was dead, that his interview is, in fact, tomorrow (which is friday...). so, he's left for a sudden four hour trip tonight and a looooooong drive home tomorrow so that we can leave for new mexico the next day..... (it is stressing me out just to type this...) to go on a vacation we can't afford...blablabla... i am sure it will be fun and worth it and all those good things once we get there. i wish i was one of those people who handled stress better than this, who found challenges fun and exciting... i'm just not these days. i'm tired and i'm worn and i just want it to be normal, normal, normal. but normal is just too damned stressful!

my good friend was in a wreck tonight. she's a mother of four who also homeschools her kids. she happens to lead a homeschooling group in this area and she means a lot to a lot of people. she means a lot to me. she means a lot to her family. and she was in a wreck. she's ok. she broke her ankle it appears. she also hit her head, and the docs can't decide if they want to keep her overnight or not. she had one of her sons with her, but he was fine. it's just such a fucking "check" when someone you love gets hurt so randomly. we all have to take our knocks...if not directly, then through someone we love, which sometimes hurts more. i guess because our protective instincts are sometimes stronger with loved ones than with ourselves...

my head hurts. i am glad my friend, my sister is well... i will try to be grateful for this vacation opportunity to see more of the world and be fed by nature. i also hope my husband travels safely. traveling mercies, N...

peace

where we are in life

so we're twenty days out from christmas... N's halfway through his last year of med school...going to interviews, mixers...finishing up rotations. they get two months off their last year of med school, so he's off this month. the kids were sick right after thanksgiving, but they're recovering, mostly. n is still feeling yuck, but this is something different than the puking bug they were passing around last week. they're trying to finish up their homeschool classes, but those ended up being so scattered and disorganized this semester that i'm pretty much "done" on that front. n's got the geography bee tomorrow and o's got a musical at some point, but otherwise... oh, and s's supposed to have a night where his music class shows their stuff, too...

anyway, in the midst of all of this N wants to go on vacation. and while i appreciate his vision, his execution leaves a little to be desired... we just outfitted our kids in snow stuff so we could go to new mexico and play in some snow...next week...oi... and he's got a mixer friday night and an interview saturday, four hours away... we're taking the dogs... i'm getting tired just looking at this. help me, help me, help me... (little anne lamott prayer there)

(changing topics here)

part of me would really like to stay in this area for residency. i'm just so torn in so many ways. i really don't even want to have a preference at this stage, mostly. i'd rather not care, you know? ack, i just don't know...

left foot, right foot, breathe.... that's all i got...