Friday, May 21, 2010


nice title? if one person reads that and remembers they aren't alone, then my work is done.

but as i do so often, i'm not going to stop there...snort

i get so bogged down sometimes in trying to make my life "work"...for me, for all those i am responsible for...just trying to get it all done. and i'm not talking about manicures or pedicures and haircuts and matching clothes and crap like that. i'm talking about paying bills on time (or close enough) and making sure animals are fed (dead animals from starvation just sounds like a total buzzkill) and clothes and diapers are washed ('nuff said on that one, i'm sure).

now let me be clear, i'm not knocking manicures and pedicures and haircuts and matching clothes. i look forward to returning to the time in my life where my nails aren't constantly snagging on stuff, my toenails aren't always chipped, i can wear a hairstyle more than a ponytail, and, well, i think my clothes match, but who knows? i'm just not there right now. i truly forgot how exhausting having a baby is...i don't think it was this exhausting before. but then i didn't have so many places to get kids to in a week, an electric guitar playing the background music i did not choose for my life, and when it's not the electric guitar, it's a piano pounding.

my kids are actually pretty good musicians. it just all sounds like pounding at the end of the day. well, at sometimes by the middle.

but i get so overwhelmed by trying to make my life work. and there is a lot of work to be done in my life. but i do forget that i'm not the only one trying to do this. and that i'm not the only one working on the things that are important to me. and my friend jeanni will understand when i say that i forget that i am an instrument of a peace that doesn't originate in me, but works through me. and when i forget that, i wear myself out.

last night i called my friend. i hadn't called much lately and when i had, i felt like i had not been a very good i just didn't have much to offer. but i called and i listened to the things going on in her life and it filled me up. i mean, i did share stuff going on in my life, but it felt so good to listen to her and think about how much i care about her and her family, and just share that. because life is meant to be shared. not lived in isolation. at least for me this is true. so i have to remember i'm not alone. it makes my load easier to bear and gives me a light in my life that i can't provide hunkered down on my own.



corscorp said...

JO said...

Hugs, mama. Big, big hugs.