running

i miss blogging. i have a few entries i've written but not posted. when i read them they feel contrived, like i'm trying too hard. that's how i feel like i'm living at times, to be honest.

but i've been running. well, not as regularly as i was, but i've managed to keep from taking any months long breaks. five days here...four there. but i manage to get myself back up on the treadmill. partly because i know it's good for me. but also because it just makes my head a better place to live...it does so much for me to burn that energy, sweat that sweat, breathe that pace. i think i've called it an energy enema. it's also good for my mind because i'm practicing clearing it...not making lists or working through stuff, but just letting it be clear while i run. i admit there are days part of me wants to just drink a beer instead of running. but i've refrained lately.

i registered for the austin livestrong half marathon next year. the fact that it's a livestrong event this time, and not a rock-n-roll event (although i LOVED running austin when it was a r-n-r event) is significant to me after losing two friends close to my age to cancer in the last year. i feel those women running with me, weird as it sounds. i know they are cheering me on. my friend patsy is also talking about running with me, as well as my sister, and i've asked my friend lana if she's interested. love my thirteen mile parties...

yesterday was my friend jeanni's birthday. i've been a little low lately...not necessarily down or sad, just working through some stuff..."doing my work" as jeanni would call it. when faced with the "run or drink a beer?" question last night, i ran. two miles. one for jeanni and one for me. happy birthday, mama jeanni. sometimes i feel you closer than i ever have. other times i am emptied by your loss. i hope you had one heck of a birthday party.

peace