some things

i am tired. i do not sleep very well when my spouse works nights. i mean, eventually, after enough nights of night sleeping well, i will just pass the hell out. but even then, i'm usually so dead asleep i wake up with a crick in my neck or my shoulder all out of whack. i just walk around from about six o'clock on looking for that other part of me... (aww, how sweet...but seriously, it gets old)

speaking of my spouse...when he became an ob/gyn, i had no idea what this would mean for our relationships with the women in our families and lives. the information we would suddenly become privy to...the questions we'd be asked...discussions that would arise...confidences we would enter into. i would like to think that, in some ways, this will really enhance my sons' understanding of women, their ability to appreciate the depth of the experience...and not just women on the t.v. screen or women you read about or, even worse sometimes, hear about...but women they love and have been loved by...aunts, cousins...

i am starting to have periods of feeling like i just might have my head wrapped around this whole "i am pregnant and will have a baby in november" idea...for awhile i was thinking "maybe i'll have a kitten...a kitten would be nice..." (i think that meant my head wasn't so wrapped around the idea...) i have an ultrasound next week. and almost everyone i know has insisted i find out the sex. and although i am a huge people pleaser by nature, i'm really kind of leaning toward not finding out. but i am having a hard time committing to much in this vein that has taken over my life in so many ways...so the decision is probably, in all reality, still wide open at this point.

oh, and rabies vaccinations. this is a subject i could talk about forever...almost as interesting to me as the last election for some reason. it all started when my youngest was bitten in the face by a stray dog a few years back...what a fiasco. i mean, it went fairly smoothly...but emotionally, i was wrecked. i mean, sure, i was worried about my kid...reading about rabies, even though you know the dog probably did not have rabies and therefore your child really probably does not have rabies, but just reading about it, and how, you know, deadly it is...and how much the treatment sucks...was enough to do.me.in. and then i had all this guilt that this woman had to pay to quarantine her dog because i was freaking out...only she didn't have to quarantine her dog because i was freaking out, she had to do it because her dog wasn't up to date on his vaccinations...which really sucked because my dogs were up to date on theirs, but i couldn't judge her for not having her dog up to date...it's one of those goofy laws that i could totally see myself breaking either by choice based on principal against over vaccinating dogs against rabies or, you know, just because i forgot. anyway...i just find rabies discussions fascinating. but i don't think they make such great coffee table topics... and i am stuck on this because i took my dogs to the vet today. this is normally a task i dread, but by the grace of a great vet, i usually end up glad i did it. today wasn't so much like that...you know, grace-filled. the vet wasn't awful...but not my favorite either. so much not my favorite that i didn't even ask her what she thought about rabies vaccinations...nyeh.

and there...i think i have purged my brain for now. i do miss my spouse...and i don't see myself as overly dependent on him. (we've been having this discussion in my cyber-tribe about being overly-anything...and generally, it just doesn't feel like compliment...we were also having a rabies discussion, but almost all my conversations in real life these days start out with, "on my mama board we were talking about...." so maybe i should not base my blog on these threads, too.) anyway...i think i'm a pretty independent woman. but i do miss the guy i sleep with every night. and it's not just the sex. really. i mean it.

peace