small check in of sorts

i wish i had time to write the blogs that come to me at night. but i am just too tired on most nights. tonight i am tired. but i am up because my husband went to the hospital for the delivery of a mama who ended up having a successful vbac. now he's waiting on another mama who's at 6cms and plus 1. he'll catch up on dictations and sleep at the hospital until she's ready to have a baby "in her own time"...those were his words. and i respect him so much for saying that. believe me, as the wife at home, with the five kids, who's not seen much of him in the last 24 hours, i can't help but think about all those things that doctors use to augment labors...speed 'em up, make 'em stronger. as a woman, a mother, a birther...i generally find those things suspect. but as the wife...well...my stance doesn't really change. but i'd lie if i didn't say it weakened for about 45 seconds tonight. ultimately, i'm glad my husband is the kind of ob/gyn he is. and i'm thankful for the faith we share...in god, in life, and in childbirth. oh, and marriage, too...i'm glad for the faith we share in marriage.

i taught philosophy today. for the first time in three years. and i totally over shot the kids' ages. went completely over their heads. but luckily, they are pretty good-natured kids and they went along with me. also luckily, i am a fairly flexible educator who is not so proud that i can't admit i did a pretty crappy job of sharing the journey of philosophizing with these kiddos. but we did read emily dickinson together, so i won't call it a complete wash. i am looking forward to next week and laying it out a little differently...i think we will all enjoy it more.

my kids had a great time at co-op today, though. all four of them. (sniff, sniff...i will admit here that it does make me a little sad that my oldest isn't there. i know we all made the right choice in changing his educational path. listening to him talk about the things that he does in a day, the decisions he faces, the opportunities he's been given since last spring...and hearing him say that even though these things stretch him, that he feels like he's gaining discipline...i know it was the right choice. even though i still miss all of us learning and living together.) i have to say, i think the youngest had the best time of all. she loved playing on the playground, she loved singing songs time, she loved snack, and when it was just playtime and mama had to go teach, she kissed me "bye" and kept playing. she was also pretty darned cute before we even got there, all dressed for her day at co-op, sitting at the table eating her oatmeal. and she fell asleep before we were even home. (and proceeded to pop wide awake when we got home...i guess she wanted to be sure we didn't bring home more co-op and risk missing it?...) it was a good day.

also, my oldest has been going through some things in his personal life. that place we all visit sometimes where we are so over scheduled with things that mean so much to us individually, but sometimes pile up and we can't even remember why the hell we signed up for so much anymore. plus a girlfriend. who is in a similar place. (make a note...is this just first month of school is behind us and the newness has worn off and reality is settling in? must watch for this next year...) but he really opened up through a lot of this. young relationships are so interesting. i've learned so much being able to watch his from this perspective in years. remembered things from when i was a teen. realized things that impacted my reality that i had absolutely no awareness of at the time. and craziness of all craziness, he's actually wanted to hear some of my thoughts. (i guess when we're down, we'll take anything that someone might offer?...lol)

i also wanted to write down that yesterday was september 11th. we went to church. the readings yesterday were all about forgiveness...pretty challenging readings about forgiveness. and our new priest, who i have so much respect for, didn't back down from the message of the day. it was challenging and powerful. i wanted to post the readings, but i'm not organized enough for that. but i will say that fr. james talked about how the church didn't choose the readings for that day. how our readings are laid out in a three year cycle. he said how some people may say that those particular readings falling on september 11th was coincidental. but he said it was providential. i am grateful fr. james has come to our church. i see every member listening to what he has to say as he speaks. it is awesome to have a leader we are all following. but he always reminds us that we are journeying with him and we have a responsibility to him as he does to us. it's been a powerful two and a half months that he's been with us. i hope he stays for awhile.

and that's about it. i mean, there's more. but it's late. later than i've been up in awhile. and i still have to bring my dogs in. and tomorrow is a new day.

peace