weather

the winters where i'm living now have made me realize how hungry i get for green by the end of them. we don't have particularly harsh winters...a lot of people vacation here for winters. but the grass gets brown, the leaves fall off the trees, and it gets pretty desolate if you're looking for some green.

i guess the green means life to me. lush. wet. succulent, even. it smells good. it blows in the breeze. and during the winter, when i run on my treadmill and look out my window, i am thirsty for green.

but this summer, we've been in one of the worst droughts in our history. it's so dry, we've had wildfires burning acres of land, houses. there is not a whole lot of green outside right now. there are still leaves on trees, and they blow in the breeze that often feels like a blow drier on its hot setting. but there have been trees whose leaves are wilting...trees dying because it is so, so dry.

so while i thought i had learned to appreciate the winter as a fallow time, a time that made me treasure the not-winter time (come on, this is texas...two seasons and all that jazz), this year has been just a fallow year for the most part. there have been some small oases of coolness...we're in one right now. and those days almost make my toes curl with joy at how pleasant it is to be outside.

but i have to say, the weather has made me (as most things do) reflect on life. my life, since it's the handiest and the one i have the most experience with. it's been some dry times around here...emotionally, financially, emotionally. but during this time, i have to say, i have found a faith that has sustained me. not a faith that has made things pleasant...like the cool breeze that blows in the morning and night right now. but a faith that has simply sustained me. it didn't keep me from being irritable. it didn't keep me from saying and doing things i have to make amends for, regain the ground i lost during, find a new rhythm because i completely lost mine. but it kept me grounded. and it has kept me centered to the point that i feel like i can keep going. (and believe me, the beer i was using for awhile to make it through the fallow time...it was not leaving me feeling much like i could keep going. the anger and frustration and blame i was leaning on...it didn't leave much light at the end of my tunnels either.)

so while i don't believe the weather was constructed just for me to learn this lesson...i'll take what i've been given...the light...the peace...the love...and the breeze, oh, the breeze...

peace