learn your lessons and move along

last night was kind of craptastic. matter of fact, it was pretty freaking craptastic. but i learned a lot. and now, i can move on....

i was playing the evening over in my mind as i fell asleep last night...because that's what i do...i don't know why. and i kept thinking about the dalai lama and how he says that suffering comes from our misperception of the true nature of things...that we should meditate on the true nature of things to free ourselves from that suffering. and i kept wondering what the true nature of what was pissing me off was. sometimes, people are hurt and act ugly. sometimes, they are hurt because they think you did or meant things that never even crossed your mind. and sometimes, even though you tell them that is not what you meant, they just don't care and they keep feeling hurt and being ugly, feeling justified in that choice even if you never, ever meant to hurt them. it's not too difficult, until they throw a zinger out there that kind of hurts your feelings and then whoosh...dog chasing tail comes to mind. and, as much as i apologized last night (for things i never intended), i finally just said, "i am really sorry...but i am also finished apologizing." that was a new one. i wanted to look over my shoulder and see who said that, but since i was standing against a counter top, there wasn't anyone behind me. i know there is no right or wrong in this situation...just feelings that have to settle. but there is also wisdom to gain...if i don't think too much about it. so i'm just going to leave it there...

moving along...

peace