Monday, March 30, 2009

circles of light watching

still here. left foot, right foot, breathe.

i will say i've been thinking a lot about responsibility and commitment. we are dragging through the end of this semester. and finishing it out is what seems right to me. but sometimes, this little part of my brain says, "maybe you should just never know when to say 'no'...maybe this is one of those times." but i don't think so. a few more weeks, and we'll have completed this crazy assed, over scheduled, exhausting, draining semester. and what will we have accomplished? well, i'm still thinking that one over... i mean, there are obvious answers, but i'm trying to see the larger picture...and that's kind of hard to do when your eyes are crossing from exhaustion and fed-uppedness. (i just made that word know, in case you couldn't tell)

but the teen and i have seen through some tough times this past week. a few episodes of him being pretty unhappy with me...the first time, i owned what he was saying. and didn't let myself take it all personally...taking constructive criticism, particularly when delivered with the tact of a fourteen year old, is not my best thing. but given the intense love and respect i have for this particular fourteen year old, i am incredibly motivated to get better at it. and this past week, i felt a little better at it than absolutely sucky...and i feel this is real progress. the second time, i gave him a little of the same honesty in return...but made sure he understood i didn't feel he was responsible for how i felt...that i just wanted him to know i was a little "done" with this particular situation too...that feeling "done" as i did, yet having to hear how "done" he feels over and over...well, that it wasn't helping my "done"ness very much...and that i don't know exactly how to make the "done"ness any better, and that thus far, the only advice i have is to grit your teeth and keep going. which i feel he took rather well, as i still got a massage later in the truly, i think he took it damned smashingly well.

eleven year old has a robotics comp of his own coming up next weekend. i am thrilled for him and excited to get to be the total parent/spectator at this event. he has shown a lot of focus and enthusiasm and i can't wait to see the end result for him. i can't even begin to understand what he's done...but i am ready to see how it works.

nine year old is rocking the soccer world...well, in my evaluation, he is. this does not mean his team wins a means they are greatly improving and still loving it. the best kind of success, in my experience.

and five year old...he is reading like crazy, noticing words and asking questions about language...i love watching that awareness light up. he also ended up in my bed this morning...and while it stretched my older body (older than when i used to sleep with them full time, i mean), it was nice.

lots of light all of a sudden. thank blog...


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