breathing

yes, i'm still around. yes, i've been thinking about lots. no, there hasn't been time to blog about any of it. yes, i've already forgotten most of it. i'm just still so tired these days.

it feels funny talking about being pregnant. i mean, i am and stuff...i know this. but after not telling anyone for...six weeks?...it's just kind of weird being out of the closet. i feel like i don't even remember how to do this. if my stomach's empty, i'm nauseous. if i eat too much, i'm nauseous. and i am not doing a very good job of finding the balance. and it doesn't help that food is just so appealing these days. a fried egg on a piece of toast this morning almost made me cry it was so good...but then lots of things almost make me cry. it is fun trying to hold my head up and maintain some dignity when i feel kind of silly that everything, for one reason or another, makes me want to cry. but i don't cry...much...

it was funny. last night, my spouse walked in the door...and it's just been such a busy semester (yada yada) and we'd had a busy weekend with friends visiting and the kids were grumpy and the teen was angsty and attitudinal and dh walked in at just the moment that i was thinking i'd really like to just cry about this to him. do you understand how rare that is? for him to actually walk in the door at the minute i'm thinking about talking to him? this almost never happens. so when i saw him, i started crying. (i'm cracking up at myself here) and he said, "oh, i'm sorry, i can leave if you want..." and that made me cry more. it was kind of sweet and pathetic and i'm just glad that moment's over.

yeah, so that's where i am. and the semester is really pretty much over. i don't have to spend six hours on the road picking my teen up from his dual enrollment class anymore. today was his last day. yes, this makes me so happy i want to cry. but tomorrow is also the last day of co-op for the semester. and the next day is the last piano lesson til the fall. and the last soccer practice of the season got rained out. and i cannot even begin to express in words how different this feels. like the lightening off my chest almost hurts, it's so huge... and the feeling of freedom truly is just about intoxicating. i am very proud of all we accomplished this school year...it was an incredible ride. we worked damned hard and, yes, it makes me cry to think about how impressed i am with my kiddos...and myself, too. but i am so, so, SO looking forward to resetting a few priorities...getting back to center in the home...with the family...preparing for the new arrival, taking care of each other, and doing some reading and artsy stuff together, playing lots outside, seeing folks we love.

yeah, i'm wiping a tear or two. :)
peace

ps--am i the only one who thinks it's weird that spell check flagged "angsty" but not "attitudinal"? just wondering...