beauty

the weekend was crazy full of it...

the women whose ceremony we attended were beautiful. my friend from high school, patsy, has always been gorgeous. and she wasn't backing down on her wedding day, let me tell you. she and her partner were lovely.

the group of people assembled to support these two women...again...it was a beautiful thing. amazing. i get a lump in my throat all over again thinking about it.

our friend who sang...more beauty. her best friend that we got to meet...again...beautiful person.

hanging out with my spouse...now this one surprised me for some reason. but we had so much fun... i didn't realize how long it had been. well, a night away together sans kids...this was our first. but we haven't even really been out on a date in awhile. and these women kept telling us how cute we were together...how perfect for each other we are. it was hilarious. and flattering, too, i must admit. we would look at each other..."wow! did you hear that? do we really still have it?..." it was so....healing.

so all in all, we're staying with the gift that keeps on giving theme on the weekends. it was a lovely wedding/commitment ceremony for two very beautiful people...and the love and the warmth and the goodness that was the sum total of all assembled in honor of and for the cause of and inspired by these women....well, that was just a testimony to the good that just is. and it just keeps going...can't seem to help itself.

so here are some lyrics to the song i posted earlier that i was gifted last weekend. the story, by brandi carlile. it's a really sweet song and it's the one my spouse and i kept listening to this weekend...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

oh, and let me share this...it's cool for a couple of reasons. my spouse and i also listened to the indigo girls this weekend...their nomads cd. my spouse pointed out that during world falls, emily plays twinkle, twinkle little star. now, i had never, ever noticed this. he had to actually sing the words for me to pick it out... (no, my ear is not very well trained at all) anyway...so i thought i'd put a video of it on here for you all to listen for twinkle, twinkle, too. when i went to you tube, i found a really good version of it. cool thing is, they're singing it with brandi carlile....

it's around one minute and fifty-three seconds... (listen to emily's guitar right when they start singing "i'm laughing...." it's related to that line, actually. "i'm laughing, i'm under a starry sky.")


peace

quick addendum

i like the article i just posted for a few different reasons... but the biggest is that it reminds me that while i feel like some people need to get over their hang ups, their stereotypes concerning others that they don't even know much about, that i need to do the same.

my bff from high school's partner sent me that article...they live a little north of me, but still in the same conservative, often religious fundamentalist populated state and we emailed back and forth expressing surprise that such an even tempered, well written article supporting same sex marriage would appear in her local newspaper. and i haven't discussed this issue with many folks around me because that attitude would surprise me here, too, to be honest. we just don't expect the people around here to be supportive or understanding, i guess...and i guess we need to get over it, huh?

and i realize stereotypes are often protective...i do not want to spend hours each day arguing for same sex marriage or telling someone else i feel they're wrong (if they feel same sex marriage is destroying the institution of marriage or whatever) anymore than someone wants a lifestyle they know nothing about surrounding them. but i am a live and let live kind of person, just like the guy who wrote the article. and i need to realize that so are many of the folks i'm surrounded by. (well, maybe we're just more live and let live than other things, i suppose.) again with the same-ness, huh?...

anyway...

i have book club tonight and now need to try to finish the book. it's about the assassinations of lincoln, garfield, and mckinley, and i've only just barely started the stuff on garfield...sigh. i just didn't want to be a book club failure again this month... but i will let you know the name of the book and what i thought of it when i finish it...i am actually liking it quite a bit.
peace

sharing an article on same sex marriage

Gays marry, world does not end
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
By Reg Henry, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

The news that the California Supreme Court had ruled in favor of gay marriage came on my 32nd wedding anniversary last month. As over-excitable conservatives rushed through the streets shouting, 'The gays are coming! The gays are coming!' I kept calm.

I did not react with a superior attitude of 'there goes the neighborhood.' My personal marital neighborhood does not depend on what other people do, thank you very much.

I did not shrink from the fearfully imagined prospect of same-sex couples showing up heterosexuals like my wife and me with superior interior decoration skills. I reject all such stereotypes. Besides, there's nothing a few strategically placed Steelers posters in the living room couldn't fix.

In the face of claims that the court has ended civilization as we know it, I have persisted in the live-and-let-live attitude expressed in song so well by Mr. Sly (he of the Family Stone): 'Different strokes for different folks, and so on and so on, and scooby dooby doo-bee.'

But some agitated critics of the court cited a higher authority, the Almighty. I can't speak for him, of course, and being a member of the media it is possible that I am damned by definition.

But this side of a theocracy, I would suggest that it is not the state's role to exactly duplicate the proscriptions of the ancient texts. If it did, there would be no divorce and no credit cards, the last involving the much condemned sin of usury.

This wouldn't be any fun for the majority, whose last remaining pleasure, at least as some see it, is to limit the rights of the minority gay population. Apparently, the desire of gays and lesbians for stable, loving relationships threatens the sanctity of marriage as heterosexual infidelity and divorce do not. Well, as they say in the old country, pull my other leg, it's got a bell on it.

If gay marriage becomes the norm, the free exercise of religion won't change. Churches won't suddenly have to marry gays if they don't want to. Marriage has long existed on two parallel planes that sometimes, but not always, overlap. One is the religious plane, where the faithful may keep whatever commandments they like and cultivate their own idea of sanctity.

The other is the secular plane, which has nothing to do with sanctity because its authority derives not from the Almighty but from politicians, who are probably more damned by definition than journalists.

The state's interest isn't in preserving sanctity -- how could it be when the government building that issues marriage licenses also issues dog licenses? The state interest is in evenhandedly preserving the rights of individuals in the pursuit of their happiness.

I have heard conservative critics of gay marriage express a visceral disgust at the very idea of gay sex. Never mind the they-doth-complain-too-much aspect of such complaints, although when it is men saying such things I can't help thinking they are probably a riot of frou-frou female underwear under their stern and proper exteriors.

In fact, any sort of sexual relations -- gay or straight -- are inherently disgusting when one thinks of other people doing them.

Take, for example, your work colleagues. No more grotesque image comes to mind than imagining the gross people you work with in flagrante delicto, which, as you know, is a Latin phrase meaning advanced cuddling. There is nothing delicto about it. In fact, I am very sorry that I even mentioned this horrible thought.

But for those conservatives who are truly repelled and are not just cross-dressers, then I would invite them to think the thing through. The institution of marriage has always worked as a prolonged cold shower on the libido for those participating in it, and I see no reason to think that it would be any different for gay people.

(Of course, my marriage is the exception that proves the rule. Over 32 years, the Henry household has always been a castle of romance. Whenever I come in from mowing the lawn, my wife only has to smell the grass clippings on my manly frame and her heart skips a beat. We would fall on the sofa in the middle of the day if the dog wasn't always lying on it.)

I reckon the duty of religious people is to judge not and be not judged. The duty of government is not to discriminate. The duty of people in general is to mind their own business because other people's marriages don't affect them one whit. My happy duty now is to wish all those eyebrow-raising newlyweds in California all the best (but don't expect as much from the lawn mowing).

Reg Henry can be reached at rhenry@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1668.

same-ness

my spouse gave all of us haircuts last night. which made it kind of disconcerting this morning to wake up to a household of people who looked mostly like my kids, but kind of different, too.

which was disconcerting in its own way because i've been thinking about a post called "same-ness" since last night...

my friend corey asked me awhile back why i focus so much on how we are the same. she spoke of acknowledging and respecting differences, which i think is the other side of the same gentle coin, and i also try to do. but i have had a number of experiences in my life where i thought i knew how i was different from someone, and was trying to be respectful of it, but it ended up we were startlingly the same. and because those moments felt so humbling to me, they seemed like what i needed to seek out... so same-ness has been my theme lately....the past few years. and here's why i'm writing about it today...

same sex marriages were legalized in california yesterday. and the first same sex marriage united two women that were 84 and 87 years old. and my heart had a big party last night to see that. because as uncomfortable as i know the issue makes some people, and some of those uncomfortable people i love a lot, it's an issue where we are more the same than we are different and as soon as people let go of their differences and realize that, it won't really be an issue anymore.

couples are couples. and they go through a myriad of experiences, all bringing to the table their own unique gifts, weaknesses, expectations, and wounds to heal. whether they are male or female and however they are arranged, they all experience marriage differently, and in that, marriage is remarkably the same. and it's time the right was extended to all adults wishing to participate. it's awesome those women got to see that day in their lifetimes.

my best friend from high school is having a commitment ceremony with her partner in the fall. we live in texas and same sex couples are denied the right to marry here. it would be nice if they could. aside from all the personal, social, philosophical, and moral reasons to marry, it would also be nice for them because then my friend could cut back her working hours and be covered on her partner's insurance...thus allowing her to heal a little from the lupus she's struggled with for almost ten years. i know it would be something to figure out with insurance companies if same sex marriage were legalized all across the united states, but this country figured out how to run the voting process once women were granted the right and it also figured out how to run a lot of new processes once african americans were granted equal citizenship. i think our health care system will be able to handle equal citizenship for homosexuals...and it's due an overhaul, anyway.

so anyway, no, i'm not into politics greatly. and maybe i should be. and maybe, eventually, i will be. but i do think people in one of the greatest nations in the world should be treated fairly and equally...and i do think it's a damned shame when they aren't and nobody seems to notice it. but i also do believe we are good people and pulled to do what is right. so while i cover my responsibilities and explore all the ways to do right in this capacity, i take a few minutes to rejoice and salute when others seem to find a new way to do right in theirs. especially one that changes the landscape of our country...
peace