winging it

ever set out to do something, but have no specific ideas, and then find yourself just flying along thinking "how did i get here?" and "hey, this isn't so bad at all..." see, i tend to plan things. whether i discuss my plans with anyone else is a coin toss, but in my mind, i've got a plan...usually...pretty often anyway. but sometimes my plans are kind of dumb and involve frustration and anger...like, yes, i actually plan on being frustrated or angry. it's not that i plan to muster the emotion just for the occasion, but if i'm making a plan and i know something is unavoidable, well, then, sometimes the accompanying anger or frustration might be unavoidable and should be taken into consideration and, you know, be made part of the plan...i'm just saying it's possible...

anyway...this is not about me saying this is the right way to be, or a good way to be, or even a way that works for me often. to the contrary, this is a post about winging it... i didn't wing it on purpose today. i just knew, going to robotics, that anything i could plan would not particularly be something i'd want to have happen, probably. (yes, there's still some tension on that front...but it's working itself out, thank god, or else i might have tried to work it out and really screwed things up...but i digress) so i went with no expectations. this is new for me. well, new like in the past couple of years or maybe just the last year, i don't know...i'm not marking time anymore, thankyouverymuch... anyway...today worked itself out pretty darned well. and even the things that irritated me, when i tried to tell them to my sister later, i couldn't even muster up enough righteous indignation to make them come off well...shrug.

so cheers to winging it...having no expectations...whatever you want to call it. it served me well today and for that, i am grateful.

oh, and i am practicing listening this year (a resolution-ish type thing)...so...something i heard today...(yes, i'm going to try to do this regularly)...i heard the sound of an auto belay (rock climbing speak) clanging into itself because my ten year old didn't get it clipped into the floor anchor before it belayed itself right on up to the mother belay. now, this is not that big of a deal, really, it's not. but no one in my family has let go of an auto belay before and the fact that today was the day, in front of my robotics team, with a few extra guys along, and after the rock climbing gym guy had said it could cost us nine hundred dollars to replace the auto belay should it not work properly if it should not get clipped in and belay itself to the top...well, this was just the crappiest day of all for this to happen... ten year old cried. and hated crying in front of everyone, i know. made the whole experience all the crappier. and in that way i can relate to him. but he is so much more resilient than i ever had any idea was possible. hearing the belay clang may not seem like a big deal, but i was really glad i didn't ignore it...it would've been a rough situation to catch up on and i was grateful to be able to be there, goofy as it sounds.

peace