realize

i have this theory...maybe it's more of a game i play in my head...but when i am searching, when i've been praying a lot, i find myself in the car...sometimes i feel like the universe speaks to me through the songs on the radio. now, i realize this sounds kind of goofy...especially after that scene in transformers...i do things like make sure to change the station often when i'm searching and playing "universe through the radio"...randomize things a little more. so, today, this song came through on the radio no less than three times (and i drove teen to the rock gym, then the grocery, then home...then to the rock gym and home...so that is not a lot of time in the car really...not when you consider i spend hours at a time in the car during the week? you know?). i don't know...i just felt three times was a lot for one song.



it's not even one of my favorite songs. but hearing on today put the words in a little different context and by the third time, it made me laugh out loud.

and here's a story in the same vein. i mentioned my friend who's a recovering alcoholic and addict. he's a mentor for those trying to get sober. when they call him in the middle of the night because they're having a rough time, he asks them if they've prayed. if they tell him no, he says, "you need a higher power to get you through this. i am not that." and hangs up on them. that was really, really powerful to me. because while i know there is a higher power working in the lives of each and every thing out here...sometimes i feel so alone. it can be at a time that i am struggling and i feel alone. it can be at a time i am listening to someone else struggling and i feel we're alone. but i forget, at the moment of struggling, to surrender...to stop fighting and allow myself to be buoyed by the sea of mystery.

and i needed to think about these things today. i really, really did.
peace