out for a few days

i am heading north a couple of hours to help out a friend and hang out and have a good time, too. i am grateful to be able to help, but i am also grateful to get out of my house for a few days....i'm kind of tired of trying to muster up some motivation to get it in shape. we're making some progress, but when my spouse works nights, it is hard times at home and we're all worn out from it. hoping i can come back feeling a little renewed and less stressed out and, frankly, resentful...

quick rabbit update...mazzy, the male who has kicked every other buns ass around here, is now living in my teen's room. he's got a pretty great set up and i think he's happy, although i will say, he looks a little lost with no asses to kick. oh.well. the other two have a divider between them in the rabbit room...they were both kind of skittish when i put them together yesterday...and who wouldn't be after getting your ass kicked twice each by a vicious old man bunny? but they look pretty calm with each other today and i imagine in the next couple of weeks, they may be back to co-habitating...but i am not getting my hopes up because it's just too frustrating having your hopes dashed continuously by rabbits.

and update on the bean...my spouse got to watch the bean moving around the night before father's day. but on father's day, he actually got to feel the bean move for the first time...so cool stuff there. my second born is the only kid in the house who's felt the bean move...he's really the only one patient enough for that, too, so lucky him.

counseling yesterday was good stuff...talked a lot about my kids. i'd heard stories lately on hazing at the summer camp i love that i worked at as a teen and they really disturbed me. so i told the-rapist how sometimes i feel like i'm raising my children to be weak because i just don't find that type of stuff appropriate at all...or even funny most of the time. like last summer, when teen dropped his first f-bomb...my sil said "that's just how we love each other in our family." you know, by being assholes, i guess. and so i was asking the-rapist what she thought. and she said that she used to think teasing and such was healthy...even necessary. but that after three decades of counseling, that you never know what will end up being some one's issue on the couch when they're fifty. not that i can guess every comment or action that may end up an issue on some one's couch down the road...but why push it? i mean, when i joke around with my friends, i only do it when i know it's safe...when i know trust has been built and they will know, without a doubt, that i am, in fact, joking. and even then, i usually ask and make sure they know i was joking, if i think there is any question. why would i be any less gentle with my children? why would i presume them to have more maturity than one of my friends (who are all pretty wise and mature and stuff)? so, the-rapist left me feeling pretty comfortable in my thoughts on being gentle and whether or not it makes you weak. i mean, don't get me wrong...we tease around here...and sometimes the things that are said make my eyes almost pop out of my head. but we work pretty hard at having a trusting relationship as a family and taking time to realize when some one has been hurt and clearing up any misunderstandings. and i've learned that sometimes i am too focused on what is said, and the best thing to do is just get out and do. then every one's mouths are shut and we don't have the whole misunderstanding problem.

wow...i had a lot to say on that. i've been able to work through a lot of that with my cyber-tribe...and for that, i'm grateful, too.

peace

choosing

there's this quote from the shack that i want to share...it touches me in a kind of soggy, hazy place...lots of things that can and probably will trip me up there...but not an altogether bad place either.

"I already told you that forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established."

ok, i needed to put that there so i could find it more easily...it took me forever to figure out which dog-eared page had the quote about trust i was looking for.

now, i am always being told we can choose happiness. and while i've rested some in that soggy place this morning (and quite a bit lately), i am going to make a choice today to let my heart be light. it came to me when i looked at my kids watching this winnie the pooh movie we rented. seems it doesn't matter how old you are, watching winnie the pooh makes your face look about four years old. it made me remember when my second born fell in love with the song from the heffalump movie a little over a year ago, when he was nine years old. he loved that song so much that he holed up in his closet with the portable dvd player so he could play the song over and over and write the words down, they were that important to him...meant that much.

and here's one last quote i wanted to include, that goes along with the choosing happiness for me today...

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.
--Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth

i love that quote. something they also say in the shack, that i'm sure has been said before...

if anything matters, everything matters.

see that light starting to shine? feel it?
peace