out for a few days

i am heading north a couple of hours to help out a friend and hang out and have a good time, too. i am grateful to be able to help, but i am also grateful to get out of my house for a few days....i'm kind of tired of trying to muster up some motivation to get it in shape. we're making some progress, but when my spouse works nights, it is hard times at home and we're all worn out from it. hoping i can come back feeling a little renewed and less stressed out and, frankly, resentful...

quick rabbit update...mazzy, the male who has kicked every other buns ass around here, is now living in my teen's room. he's got a pretty great set up and i think he's happy, although i will say, he looks a little lost with no asses to kick. oh.well. the other two have a divider between them in the rabbit room...they were both kind of skittish when i put them together yesterday...and who wouldn't be after getting your ass kicked twice each by a vicious old man bunny? but they look pretty calm with each other today and i imagine in the next couple of weeks, they may be back to co-habitating...but i am not getting my hopes up because it's just too frustrating having your hopes dashed continuously by rabbits.

and update on the bean...my spouse got to watch the bean moving around the night before father's day. but on father's day, he actually got to feel the bean move for the first time...so cool stuff there. my second born is the only kid in the house who's felt the bean move...he's really the only one patient enough for that, too, so lucky him.

counseling yesterday was good stuff...talked a lot about my kids. i'd heard stories lately on hazing at the summer camp i love that i worked at as a teen and they really disturbed me. so i told the-rapist how sometimes i feel like i'm raising my children to be weak because i just don't find that type of stuff appropriate at all...or even funny most of the time. like last summer, when teen dropped his first f-bomb...my sil said "that's just how we love each other in our family." you know, by being assholes, i guess. and so i was asking the-rapist what she thought. and she said that she used to think teasing and such was healthy...even necessary. but that after three decades of counseling, that you never know what will end up being some one's issue on the couch when they're fifty. not that i can guess every comment or action that may end up an issue on some one's couch down the road...but why push it? i mean, when i joke around with my friends, i only do it when i know it's safe...when i know trust has been built and they will know, without a doubt, that i am, in fact, joking. and even then, i usually ask and make sure they know i was joking, if i think there is any question. why would i be any less gentle with my children? why would i presume them to have more maturity than one of my friends (who are all pretty wise and mature and stuff)? so, the-rapist left me feeling pretty comfortable in my thoughts on being gentle and whether or not it makes you weak. i mean, don't get me wrong...we tease around here...and sometimes the things that are said make my eyes almost pop out of my head. but we work pretty hard at having a trusting relationship as a family and taking time to realize when some one has been hurt and clearing up any misunderstandings. and i've learned that sometimes i am too focused on what is said, and the best thing to do is just get out and do. then every one's mouths are shut and we don't have the whole misunderstanding problem.

wow...i had a lot to say on that. i've been able to work through a lot of that with my cyber-tribe...and for that, i'm grateful, too.

peace

weekend over

and yes, i made it!!

i love today's oscar wilde quote...

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

i made it through my weekend... the team did really well...second place for the champion's award and third place in robot performance. it was awesome. we may have a shot at the next round of competition, but i don't think we'll be getting an answer soon on that and i'm okay with that. frankly, i don't even want to think about it for the next week...maybe more.

teenager starts his dual enrollment class tomorrow. three days a week, 88 miles round trip. i'm actually driving back up tomorrow night to have dinner with a mama from my cyber tribe. i'm really excited about that, too.



peace

it's the wine talking

so, i went to a christmas party for dh's work, department, whatever. sat at the end of the table with and older doc (who turned out to be the chairman of the department) and his wife and got morbidly intense over education, poverty, politics, and entitlement. but dh says no worries because the chairman has no sense of humor, is always morbidly intense, so i guess it wasn't just me! woo!

i was pretty pissed about tonight, though. dh had mentioned it a couple of times and had talked about putting it on my calendar, but, uh, well, never did. so when he called after work today (and after this thing had already started) to ask if i remembered, i was a little put out. but i sucked it up, vented to my cyber tribe (which always has the BEST STUFF to say, i have to tell you), and put on some make up and went. oh, and it was a wine tasting christmas thing, so that helped... now i'm home and waiting for ten o'clock to roll around...

but i wanted to put this mandela quote out here...

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.

i think the dalai lama would be quite pleased with this statement. maybe mandela was a little buddhist, too? i think sometimes i get confused about the idea of dependence arising because i always think "dependent on what?" as though it would be dependent on some alien thing completely different from me or anything i could imagine. but this quote made me think about the inter-relatedness of things...which i am not sure if this is the same as dependence arising, but it sounds similar and that's what sparked my thoughts tonight. and i really loved the quote, too.

yes corey...i often think too much. i cannot tell you how much i loved you saying that today...dh was floored by how well you know me.

peace friends

still flying the good flag

ever try really hard to keep your good flag flying? then maybe it starts to fall over, and you got to get it up again? and you're wondering what it keeps leaning on that keeps moving that makes it all wobbly?... yeah, well, i know about that...

got cookies made yesterday and hung with mama friend and cool kiddos...gooooood.

christmas carolling practice again today...more gooood.

gingerbread house making afterward. now, my guys and i have never done this before. so it was pretty fun. i may do another at home so teenager might get a little more involved. youngest was cheering me on as i got the thing put together...fun times.

christmas party at the rock gym...more goodness.

times can be lonely, times can be tense...but i keep looking for good.

i do want to post a quote from the dalai lama's book on this post...he's moving to the dependent arising nature of things, and this is so simple, it goes way over my head...so....

"Because dependent and independent are a dichotomy, when you see that something cannot be independent or functioning under its own power, there is no other option but to see that it is dependent."

so i think i got that part...i think...i'm never too sure with the dalai lama, i have to admit. so then it talks about existence being dependent on different things...certain causes, its parts, and thought. so when he lost me...

"The 'I' definitely does exist, but when it exists yet cannot be found, we have to say that it arises in dependence upon thought. It cannot be posited any other way."

i mean, i see it a little...but then it disappears and i have no clue. i'm working on it...i'm working on it.

oh, and one more good thing...i was feeling a little lonely last night. i mean, i'd hung for hours with a friend...and had a really, really good time. but last night was a little wobbly...then i got three christmas cards from my cybermama tribe. it was the best universal hug...and they all sent pics of their kids! i'm running out of pics from this year, but i think if it's someone new to send a card to, i'll just send last year's pic because it was great fun to see every one's families.

and so ends today's ramble...
peace

wanna read a really good essay?

it's an anne lamott essay i found while i was searching for something for mama beth in my cyber tribe. i didn't find exactly what i was looking for...i found something better...

http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/col/lamo/1999/04/01/01lamo/

peace