see you on the other side

i am leaving for san francisco tomorrow. it is a vacation, but i am not really excited when it comes to vacations in places i don't know that require things that i am unfamiliar with. i know many people find this exhilarating...and i could possibly be one of those people...if not for the four young ones looking at me, expecting me to lead them, teach them, guide them. but it'll be fine. they already know mama gets lost sometimes, has to turn around...they just might get the opportunity to learn that mama can just sit down in a crowd and weep when she doesn't know where the hell she is...maybe...who knows?

so the packing is almost done. my lessons are almost ready for co-op tomorrow.

yesterday...well, first of all, i have to get in a routine of blogging again. my thoughts get so scattered...and my blog really gives me a place to reflect, process, see stuff in print (because i'm a very strong visual learner, don't you know...) so this is something i must make a priority.

ok, yesterday...i drove four hours to tell my grandmother good-bye. she's the one with alzheimer's who came to visit me a couple of thanksgivings ago and hopped out of the car and said "hello! you remember my husband..." uh, yeah...i remember papa. :) so things have been going downhill for her. she's unresponsive. but who knows how long things can go on like that? my mom (step mom) is up there staying the week with her. my grandfather (who's also a little crazy...i hope i'm not offending anyone, but it's just the truth) actually recognizes my grandmother right now. (this is after a month of refusing to sleep in the bed with "that woman" because she is not his wife...) it's kind of sad but also kind of beautiful. it was very, very tender yesterday...the whole thing. so i drove four hours there, hung out for almost four hours, and then drove four hours home so i could get my family packed today. my grandmother's birthday is wednesday...we'll see if she makes it there. i'll definitely be thinking of her in san francisco...

and that's about all i got right now...off to finish packing.
peace