Tuesday, August 7, 2007

God, the breeze, and shooting stars

last night, i had the dogs outside. (no big surprise, i take them out every night) anyway, i looked up at the stars. (side note: we have really good stars where i live...i try to remember to look at them every night.) so as soon as i looked at the stars, i saw a shooting star. immediately. right when i looked up, the star "shot". if i'd have been a second later, i would've missed it.

awhile back i told my friend lana a story about camping at inks lake. there are very good stars at inks lake, too. so on the way to the bathroom one night, i looked up at the stars, and was totally struck by how many there were, how huge the sky was, how black the night/how bright the stars... it was a beautiful moment. but, in the back of my head, i can't deny, i was thinking a shooting star streaking across the velvet night would've kind of cemented the whole "this is an amazing moment" experience. and then i caught myself.... not fully appreciating the night sky before me because i was looking for a little more "glitter", a little more something. i was caught red-minded...in the process of thinking it and aware of thinking it as well as how sad it was. i asked lana, "why am i always looking for the damn shooting star? why can't i just be happy with the stars?!?!" (and for what it's worth, i had been working on this)

so, last night... i caught this shooting star right when it decided to shoot. and it made me think of my night of wanting...wishing for one when there wasn't one. but what struck me last night, was it was so anticlimactic. (i know, i know...i'm rolling my eyes at myself) but it was still beautiful. it just made me laugh at myself. because i could feel myself feeling like i wasn't PREPARED for that...i wasn't PREPARED to APPRECIATE the moment... but i did. and it was good. and the whole thing made me laugh. (out loud, by myself...which is a good kind of laughter, i've learned)

so then...as i'm sitting there laughing, the breeze comes. and maybe it's because i live in texas, but i have always associated a cool breeze with God reaching out to touch me, take care of me, and most times, just help me cool off (which has so many different meanings). so the breeze comes, and i'm laughing, and i think, "yeah God, i feel you here." but then that makes me think about all the breezes in the world. and how if someone doesn't associate that with God or if someone isn't talking to God when the breeze blows, well...if a tree falls and no one hears is, does it make a noise? so, i think it does. i think the breeze is always there. i think acts of kindness and charity and grace and love are all around us. we just have to tune in. i'm sure there are breezes that i miss...absolutely certain of it. but the ones i experience are real, because i am real. right? ;)

i could spend some more time with this, but my new four year old is asking for orange crackers. (he isn't aware that i am not fond of food coloring and there are no orange crackers in the house...nor have there been) so i am off to help feed him.

(oh God help me...he has pulled out a can of easy cheese--N!!!!......)


No comments: