park day

well, i thought i was getting better. then i went and stood out at park day today, in the wind, and the cedar, and, well, i am not feeling better anymore...

but i made it through week two of our new schedule...and this one included co-op and tuesday's rock climbing class, so it was pretty much the full deal. next week, we add flute lessons, and then we're really rolling full steam.

it was still a little wonky with eldest today. i kind of freaked at park day because, while talking to the mamas, out of my peripheral vision, i saw eldest drop another kid, rip a stick out of said dropped kid's hands, and then throw the stick away. so i quickly trucked it over there and eldest said kid had tried to hit him with stick because they were not agreeing over how to play capture the flag. ooooooookay. i asked eldest if he thought he could play the game and be cool with aforementioned kid. eldest said he thought he could be cool and avoid other kid, but that he really didn't other kid would respect that and would probably try to get in eldest's face. and i said, "well, i'm going to just put this out here even though you didn't ask...i don't think it's a good idea you stay and play this game then." (my stuffy nose was gone at this point in the day...but it is back in full force now) eldest agreed (he IS a sensible young man-ish type of guy) and went to do other things. i spoke to kid who'd been dropped, made sure he was alright, and just mentioned that it might get things back to agreeable a little quicker if he'd back out of a person's face who he'd just upset...although it was, of course, ultimately up to him...

it all went off fairly smoothly. but the adrenaline rush from watching my son drop another kid took awhile to wear off. once it did, though, i decided he'd done the right thing for him and that i was proud of him. he didn't hurt the kid. and i don't think any of the mamas were upset (in particular, kid who'd been dropped's mama, especially). it was alright...

now my spouse is on call. (i have the most hilarious story about a retained object he found during an exam the other day...it makes me want to go make sure i don't have any stray socks or lost earrings hiding out in my nether regions...but i'll save it) i am trying to get into the new toni morrison book, but it is going way over my congested head...the language i usually find so enchanting is pissing me off because i keep thinking i must be skipping words...but no, that's really how it's written. maybe i should go find some annie...and some vitamin c...and a soft blanket...ooh, this is starting to sound good...
peace

paper towns and 2008 books

i've already mentioned how much i loved paper towns and how truly wonderful a writer i think john green is. i love to harvest quotes from books and this one was full of them...some of them just hilarious, and some of them thought-provoking...which is why i love reading these books with my teen and talking about them. we both love the humor and the rest leads to some interesting discussions.

so here are some quotes...

"I always got nervous whenever I heard that Margo was about to show up, on account of how she was the most fantastically gorgeous creature that God had ever created. On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time."

"Both of my parents are therapists, which means that I am really goddamned well adjusted."

"Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds."

"I'm a big believer in random capitalization. The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle."

"Those of us who frequent the band room have long suspected that Becca maintains her lovely figure by eating nothing but the souls of kittens and the dreams of impoverished children."

"It's a penis in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state; it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big."

"Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year old."

"They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car, and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast of high ceilings and few horsepower!"

"Whenever I eat a GoFast Bar, I'm always like, 'So this is what blood tastes like to mosquitoes.'"

"The minivan has become a kind of very small house; I am sitting in the passenger seat, which is the den. This is, I think , the best room in the house; there is plenty of space, and the chair is quite comfortable."

there are more funny lines and maybe alone, these don't read as funny on my blog as they were in the book, but i snorted i was laughing so hard when i read this book... and some of the other lines i really loved...

"You keep expecting people not to be themselves."

"Humans lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel."

"But isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals."

"What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."

"The people are the place is the people." (i don't know if this was a typo or not, but after reading it a few times, it started sounding almost like music...)

"I understand now that I can't be her and she can't be me."

"I must ask the wounded man where he is hurt, because I cannot become the wounded man. The only wounded man I can be is me."

i have read all of john green's books and enjoyed all three of them....

so here are the other books i read this year...

*paper towns by john green
*brisingr by christopher paolini
*eldest by christopher paolini
*eragon by christopher paolini
*snow falling on cedars by david guterson
*i know this much is true by wally lamb
*assassination vacation by sarah vowell
*the shack by william p. young
*lamb--the gospel according to biff, christ's childhood pal by christopher moore
*breaking dawn by stephenie meyer
*eclipse by stephenie meyer
*new moon by stephenie meyer
*twilight by stephenie meyer
*little big minds--sharing philosophy with kids by marietta mccarty
*the trivium: the liberal arts of logic, grammar, and rhetoric--understanding the nature and function of language by sister miriam joseph, csc, phd
*simplicity--the freedom of letting go by richard rohr
*all new square foot gardening--grow more in less space! by mel bartholomew
*grace (eventually) thoughts on faith by anne lamott
*anger: wisdom for cooling the flames by thich nhat hanh
*cesar's way written by cesar millan
*fatherhood written by bill cosby

i have a feeling i'll be reading a little more this year...it's been good to me.
peace

playing

i was just explaining to someone the other day how these new video games are really hard for me to play. when it was pac man or tetris, i was fine...working two dimensionally on a screen worked for me...my brain could handle it. but once the kids got these flying games that moved in three dimensions, trying to manipulate my airplane often left me feeling car sick. and i was a little embarrassed by this...i tried really hard to push through it and get good at those games, but the motion sickness would just get worse and i'd have to admit eventually that i had no desire to even try anymore. my planes would always wobble and then i'd get flipped around and thrown back into the playing field because, despite my best efforts, i'd always end up flying out of bounds. (and the flipping would really make me sick...)

but i have been thinking about those wobbly planes lately. because i've been feeling wobbly, i guess. not flying too evenly...or too confidently, either. i've learned to accept that this is part of life...sometimes without getting too bent over it. but it still makes me a little car sick...and whether that's part of life or not, it's a drag. yes, maybe i shouldn't attach an evaluation to this state of affairs, but it's there...and it's not work i feel like doing to adjust it right now.

it is so funny how i want to come on here and write sometimes, but i don't feel like getting specific...because i'm not always good at which details are relevant and end up getting wrapped around in the story and miss the point...but then i don't always know how to write anything at that point.

my spouse is working nights for a few days. nights suck. it is lonely. although i told him today that i wasn't really sure what all was that different between when he's here nights or not that would affect loneliness...it's not like we talk all that much, to be honest. but then lanatron posted about presence on her blog and it was perfect. i miss his presence...the shared experience even though we often do completely different things (and think completely different things, but i don't feel like getting into that just now) when we're sharing space.

it is a dynamic time for my family. and for whatever reason, one day i will be ready to embrace the new day and another i'll be grabbing ahold of what was, fingers white, nails dug in, not wanting to let go of where we are, what i know. i'm a little erratic these days, as annie would say.

my teenager worked through some anger he had at his robotics coach a few days ago. (yes, i'm also his robotics coach, but i mean the other one) he did really well. he really is an amazing kid who is really wise about how to speak his mind and amazingly in control of his emotions, well, on the outside, as he does it. but it just about wrecked me. i mean, i kept my cool in the situation, tried to be supportive and stuff. but on the inside, and in moments afterward...let's just say i mindfucked my brains out. but then i reminded myself about those times that a good "fuck it" is all that's needed and i tried that on, and it worked for a little while...well, sort of...

and i think that's about it for today. i am dying to put up the quotes i harvested from paper towns, and i think i'll do that tomorrow because i've been thinking a lot about the things john green explores in that book and maybe it'll prompt something for me to write...or maybe not...who the hell knows?
peace

short ramble

my nephews are here to stay with us for a few days, and there's still a number of things for me to get done...

i really need to start running again. it is kind of sad to barely have four miles for a month. and i definitely need to get on the treadmill, if for no other reason, than because i am at 199.1 miles for the year and with .9 miles to go to get it over 200, i find myself compelled.

i just finished paper towns, by john green. it was really, really good. john green is an awesome writer...he pulls from works he's read that have changed who he is or how he sees the world, and he's able to incorporate them into these amazing stories that he's made up...it's all quite intricate, yet he still reveals his theme brilliantly. i really, really liked it...i mean a lot. and it's young adult fiction, just fyi.

ok, really, that's about it. snort...ok, there's more, but that's all i'm getting into for now.
peace

bookworm award

i received this from bohemi-anna, who is one of those young, intelligent, vibrant, and kind people who makes the world a better place. i even bought a scarf from her to wear to remind myself she's out there. i guess you could say i am happy to know her... <3

Here is the rule for the award:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

ok, the book is plan b, by anne lamott. (man, i lucked out...i swear i had gardening or the trivium over here the other day...)

ok, page 46, fifth sentence...here we go... it's from an essay about her mom, and her mom's ashes, and how she finally dealt with them, called o noraht, noraht...

I put the brown plastic box in the closet as soon as it came back from the funeral home, two years ago, thinking I could at last give up all hope that a wafting white-robed figure would rise from the ashes of my despair and say, "Oh, little one, my darling daughter, I am here for you now." I prayed for my heart to soften, to forgive her, and love her for what she did give me--life, great values, a lot of tennis lessons, and the best she could do. Unfortunately, the best she could do was terrible, like the Minister of Silly Walks trying to raise an extremely sensitive young girl, and my heart remained hardened toward her.

yeah...it frightens me how i can relate to this as a daughter and be kind of terrified by it as a mother at the same time...but time settles in my chest and makes me settle down, eat it all bite by bite and stop trying to swallow the whole thing at once...keeps me from choking to death.

ok, i just needed the break and remembered i'd been tagged. thanks anna! oh, i get to tag five more...hmmm...i know! i know! how about jen, hope, lana, julie, and whit...i KNOW you all read like crazy...and you're all pretty sexy, too...
peace

zombie

my niece had her baby last night... (that's not part of the zombie post...just a pre-script i had to get out)

i have finished the stephenie meyers books. the twilight saga, i think they're called. twilight, new moon, eclipse, and then breaking dawn. i enjoyed them a lot, but i will admit the last one got...tedious. and i found myself psychoanalyzing the author a lot in that book, wondering if this is her fantasy or what...but maybe i reveal too much about my own fictional writing by saying that, i don't know. (i haven't written fiction in sooo long...)

i was obsessed over finishing this story, though. it was kind of disorienting. i truly felt like a zombie. i mean, i really haven't done much but read the past few days...it was all i could think about. and my head kind of hurts from it. i think my knees are sore from so much sitting and reading, too. this was fun, having a good story to be excited about reading, but i'm also glad it's over. i am sure my kids will be glad it's over, too. i know my spouse will be happy....snort.

so, now to life as usual...
peace