life, whatnot

the bean is moving around a lot lately. it kind of weirds me out how much i can feel now, because i know the bean's only going to get bigger the second half of this pregnancy and i'm a little intimidated when i think about it... seems like since this is my fifth pregnancy, i shouldn't be so surprised by all of this, but, well, i am. i feel all thumbs... but it's a good thumby kind of feeling...lots of faith buoying me...and friends letting me know they're doing neat things like praying for me.

it was a good time this past week. we had a lot of fun hanging out with our friends we drove up to see. three mamas, ten kids, one on the way, and no dads...it was good stuff. really, really comfortable.

i just got five new books in the mail. three are about diet, fast food, the connection between health and eating. the other two are an anne lamott book and an inner/primal woman kind of thing. just covering all my bases, you know. i don't know why i haven't been updating my book list...i have read so many books this year. maybe i'll go through the pile next to my bed and put the ones i've read on there...you know, some day.

my house is coming along. not where i want it to be, but not so far behind i feel like it will never catch up.

the bunnies are all still safe. everyone seems to be fine. the one in teen's room is molting...what a freaking drag for poor teen. i think the vacuum will definitely become his good friend. the other two have peed all up and down the divider in their room (which translates to "this is my side and that's yours") and that's fine...whatever makes them happy as long as everybun's ears and eyes stay intact.

and markers...i talked a little this past week to a couple of friends about the bean's marker. i really don't think it's going to amount to anything. i don't always check on my feelings about that, so it was nice to check a little and find them pretty alright. and, i'll say, that for this week, i think the bean might be a girl...just what i'm thinking for this week and there is no promise at all that this is how i'll feel next week...but i thought i'd throw that in today.

otherwise, everything's moving along pretty steadily.
peace

a day of rest

well, and a lot of catch up, too.

first of all, some quotes i harvested from the kite runner. i liked this book a lot, although it was hard to read because i didn't find any of the main characters all that endearing and you could feel the tragedy coming way before you even knew when or what it might be. maybe there was something familiar in that, something i was relating to on some level, but it made it kind of uncomfortable. and then the story really began to weave itself and i got very, very caught up in the telling. it's a beautiful book.

the story was so foreign in setting and the way it began, that i didn't even feel compelled to grab my pencil until i was more than halfway through the book, and then there were only five or six i underlined...but i thought they were very beautiful, too.

"So when the Taliban came..."
"They were heroes," Rahim Khan said.
"Peace at last."
"Yes, hope is a strange thing. Peace at last. But at what price?"

"I see America has infused you with the optimism that has made her so great. That's very good. We're a melancholic people, we Afghans, aren't we? Often, we wallow in too much ghamkhori and self-pity. We give in to loss, to suffering, accept it as a fact of life, even see it as necessary. Zendagi migzara, we say, life goes on. But i am not surrendering to fate here, I am being pragmatic. I have seen several good doctors here and they have given the same answer. I trust them and believe them. There is such a thing as God's will."

"She said, 'I'm so afraid.' And I said, 'Why?,' and she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.' I asked her why and she said, 'They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you,' and I said, 'Hush up now. Enough of this silliness.'"

And this is what I want you to understand, that good, real good, was born out of your father's remorse. Sometimes, I think everything he did, feeding the poor on the streets, building the orphanage, giving money to friends in need, it was all his way of redeeming himself. And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good.

"Father used to say it's wrong to hurt even bad people. Because they don't know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good."

"One time, when I was really little, I climbed a tree and ate these green, sour apples. My stomach swelled and became hard like a drum, it hurt a lot. Mother said that if I'd just waited for the apples to ripen, I wouldn't have become sick. So now, whenever I really want something, I try to remember what she said about the apples."

I wondered if this was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.

i think i'll hand this over to my teenager to read now...

so today is just regular stuff...laundry, organizing, making doctor appointments...maybe i'll even get wild and take down my christmas tree. (everything else christmas has been taken down...and i kind of like this big green tree with just white lights on it standing in my living room...kind of...ok, it's getting a little old) our robotics competition is saturday and while i struggle with some of the issues it's brought to my life, my bil reminded me, as i was telling him some of the things my teenager's done that have made me proud to know him, that these are the opportunities we were hoping for as we began this activity. and he's right. so it's good...it's all good. but it was also be all busy, so i am very grateful for today and it's lack of destinies outside of my home, allowing me to achieve some of my goals here at home. (you know, like blogging and quote harvesting...priorities and stuff like that...ha)

peace

paper towns and 2008 books

i've already mentioned how much i loved paper towns and how truly wonderful a writer i think john green is. i love to harvest quotes from books and this one was full of them...some of them just hilarious, and some of them thought-provoking...which is why i love reading these books with my teen and talking about them. we both love the humor and the rest leads to some interesting discussions.

so here are some quotes...

"I always got nervous whenever I heard that Margo was about to show up, on account of how she was the most fantastically gorgeous creature that God had ever created. On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time."

"Both of my parents are therapists, which means that I am really goddamned well adjusted."

"Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds."

"I'm a big believer in random capitalization. The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle."

"Those of us who frequent the band room have long suspected that Becca maintains her lovely figure by eating nothing but the souls of kittens and the dreams of impoverished children."

"It's a penis in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state; it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big."

"Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year old."

"They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car, and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast of high ceilings and few horsepower!"

"Whenever I eat a GoFast Bar, I'm always like, 'So this is what blood tastes like to mosquitoes.'"

"The minivan has become a kind of very small house; I am sitting in the passenger seat, which is the den. This is, I think , the best room in the house; there is plenty of space, and the chair is quite comfortable."

there are more funny lines and maybe alone, these don't read as funny on my blog as they were in the book, but i snorted i was laughing so hard when i read this book... and some of the other lines i really loved...

"You keep expecting people not to be themselves."

"Humans lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel."

"But isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are? We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals."

"What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person."

"The people are the place is the people." (i don't know if this was a typo or not, but after reading it a few times, it started sounding almost like music...)

"I understand now that I can't be her and she can't be me."

"I must ask the wounded man where he is hurt, because I cannot become the wounded man. The only wounded man I can be is me."

i have read all of john green's books and enjoyed all three of them....

so here are the other books i read this year...

*paper towns by john green
*brisingr by christopher paolini
*eldest by christopher paolini
*eragon by christopher paolini
*snow falling on cedars by david guterson
*i know this much is true by wally lamb
*assassination vacation by sarah vowell
*the shack by william p. young
*lamb--the gospel according to biff, christ's childhood pal by christopher moore
*breaking dawn by stephenie meyer
*eclipse by stephenie meyer
*new moon by stephenie meyer
*twilight by stephenie meyer
*little big minds--sharing philosophy with kids by marietta mccarty
*the trivium: the liberal arts of logic, grammar, and rhetoric--understanding the nature and function of language by sister miriam joseph, csc, phd
*simplicity--the freedom of letting go by richard rohr
*all new square foot gardening--grow more in less space! by mel bartholomew
*grace (eventually) thoughts on faith by anne lamott
*anger: wisdom for cooling the flames by thich nhat hanh
*cesar's way written by cesar millan
*fatherhood written by bill cosby

i have a feeling i'll be reading a little more this year...it's been good to me.
peace

bookworm award

i received this from bohemi-anna, who is one of those young, intelligent, vibrant, and kind people who makes the world a better place. i even bought a scarf from her to wear to remind myself she's out there. i guess you could say i am happy to know her... <3

Here is the rule for the award:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

ok, the book is plan b, by anne lamott. (man, i lucked out...i swear i had gardening or the trivium over here the other day...)

ok, page 46, fifth sentence...here we go... it's from an essay about her mom, and her mom's ashes, and how she finally dealt with them, called o noraht, noraht...

I put the brown plastic box in the closet as soon as it came back from the funeral home, two years ago, thinking I could at last give up all hope that a wafting white-robed figure would rise from the ashes of my despair and say, "Oh, little one, my darling daughter, I am here for you now." I prayed for my heart to soften, to forgive her, and love her for what she did give me--life, great values, a lot of tennis lessons, and the best she could do. Unfortunately, the best she could do was terrible, like the Minister of Silly Walks trying to raise an extremely sensitive young girl, and my heart remained hardened toward her.

yeah...it frightens me how i can relate to this as a daughter and be kind of terrified by it as a mother at the same time...but time settles in my chest and makes me settle down, eat it all bite by bite and stop trying to swallow the whole thing at once...keeps me from choking to death.

ok, i just needed the break and remembered i'd been tagged. thanks anna! oh, i get to tag five more...hmmm...i know! i know! how about jen, hope, lana, julie, and whit...i KNOW you all read like crazy...and you're all pretty sexy, too...
peace

i finished it

here are the last three quotes i collected from snow falling on cedars...

"And here he sits awaiting your verdict, in the hope that although fate has acted against him, human beings will be reasonable. There are things in this universe that we cannot control, and then there are the things we can. Your task as you deliberate together on these proceedings is to ensure that you do nothing to yield to a universe in which things to awry by happenstance. Let fact, coincidence, and accident conspire; human beings must act on reason."

"I say this because as an older man I am prone to ponder matters in the light of death in a way that you are not. I am like a traveler descended from Mars who looks down in astonishment at what passes here. And what I see is the same human frailty passed from generation to generation. What I see is again and again the same sad human frailty. We hate one another; we are the victims of irrational fears. And there is nothing in the stream of human history to suggest we are going to change this. But--I digress, I confess that. I merely wish to point out that in the face of such a world you have only yourselves to rely on."

"No one trod easily upon the emotions of another where the sea licked everywhere against an endless shoreline. And this was excellent and poor at the same time--excellent because it meant most people took care, poor because it meant an inbreeding of the spirit, too much held in, regret and silent brooding, a world whose inhabitants walked in trepidation, in fear of opening up. Considered and considerate, formal at every turn, they were shut out and shut off from the deep interplay of their minds. They could not speak freely because they were cornered; Everywhere they turned there was water and more water, a limitless expanse of it in which to drown. They held their breath and walked with care, and this made them who they were inside, constricted and small, good neighbors.

Arthur confessed to not liking them and at the same time loving them deeply. Was such a thing even possible?"

some of these remind me of the book i started reading last night written by the dalai lama. this last quote, with its reference to good neighbors, reminds me of the frost poem i posted awhile back about good fences making good neighbors. and i really like the reference to an inbreeding of spirit...that just caught me immediately.

hopefully i didn't give too much of it away....
peace

snow falling on cedars

this was the last book we read for book club. i still haven't finished it. parts of it were very compelling to me and other parts notsomuch. i have about fifty pages left to read, but i don't think i'll finish it anytime soon, if at all. i will admit that this is the first book i've ever skipped to the back to read the ending before arriving there chronologically. and i don't really know why i did that.

the book is somewhat of a mystery. it covers the time in history when japanese americans were forced into camps after pearl harbor was bombed. but it also deals a lot with the history and relationships of the characters, and the attitude of the townspeople where the story takes place, and just human nature in general...differences in paradigms and how those differences affect our perception of each other and ourselves. i did like the book...but it just doesn't feel like i need to know how it ends.

i didn't set out to collect quotes in this book, but a hundred pages or so into it, i just came across some that struck me...

"There was a place in him she could not reach where he made his choices in solitude, and this made her not only uneasy about him but afraid for their future, too. Her life was joined to his now, and it seemed to her that every corner of his soul should be opened to hers because of this."

"The trick was to live here without hating yourself because all around you was hatred. The trick was to refuse to allow your pain to prevent you from living honorably. In Japan, she said, a person learned not to complain or be distracted by suffering. To persevere was always a reflection of the state of one's inner life, one's philosophy, and one's perspective."

"He was not Japanese, and they had met as such a young age, their love had come out of thoughtlessness and impulse, she had fallen into loving him long before she knew herself, though it occurred to her now that she might never know herself, that perhaps no one ever does, that such a thing might not be possible."

"If identity was geography instead of blood--if living in a place was what really mattered--then Ishmael was part of her, inside of her, as much as anything Japanese. It was, she knew, the simplest kind of love, the purest form, untainted by Mind, which twisted everything, as Mrs. Shigemura, ironically, had preached."

after rereading these quotes, maybe i will try to finish it. i've already picked up another book and i just ordered three more. hello, my name is marci and i'm a book whore. but i am also okay with that.
peace

and the hits just keep coming....

i've been kind of busy lately...so let me just rattle for a few...

--first, residency has been a difficult time. i can tell you ways it's changed my spouse. and, in all fairness to me, it's because i want to be understanding that i think about how this has stretched him and challenged him...perhaps, making it more difficult for him to be a kind, gentle spouse. but i am starting to wonder how i've changed, too. i think primarily i've changed in my attitudes toward him...but maybe there's more to it. i guess i should get my eyes back on my own page...

--then there's this whole drive to the grand canyon with my two sils and their families, but not my husband (who is, you know, their brother...the-rapist called him the glue that binds me to the rest of the folks i'm camping with...binds...funny word choice, you think?). and i was really in denial for quite some time that the hospital would not let him go...kept thinking there had to be a catch...they were pulling our chains. then i figured out they were quite serious about him not being able to do this...he would, in fact, have to be at work. (where he already spends so many hours a week, but i'm talking about camping, not the hospital, right?) so we're ready....almost. then today, my second born walks in with fever and a raging headache, almost in tears, looking like hell. we're assuming it's the strep throat his older brother had last week. and i, the chief mindfucker extraordinaire, am trying to just let...it...go and accept...however...things...turn...out.

--i do want to say, that in the face of all of this...i am reading the most hilarious book in the world. ok, i don't know that it's the funniest book in the world, but it is pretty freaking hilarious... there are many things i am, but unwilling to laugh in the face of adversity is not one of them. i picked this up at the library (after contemplating running away and never returning vs. jumping off, i don't know, something tall?...ugh, it was a tough weekend...but in all fairness, i think there were a lot of things going on at once, not the least of which was i was tired) after a friend had recommended it awhile back. ok, well, maybe she's mentioned it more than once...but i had no idea how funny it could possibly be. i stayed up late reading it just because i could not stop. (which no, did not help the tiredness, but sometimes you just gotta choose...) so here's the link to the book.

--and one last thing...mean people suck. which i realize is not a very nice statement. but sometimes, even when you know a population needs to be embraced, and even though you do embrace that population in your heart of hearts, you just can't help but feel a little short on patience sometimes. so mean people, let's pull it together. please.

ok, i think that's about it. my head is starting to hurt, but i am just going to ignore it....and i'm definitely not going to mindfuck it...definitely not...
peace