working on health

or at least thinking about working on it....

this song's been going through my head for a couple of weeks now...i've wanted to post it but didn't want to seem too dramatic...but give me enough drama in a weekend, and well, i just quit worrying about seeming dramatic, i guess.



highlights of my weekend...

my son's soccer coach lost his mind just a little bit. i don't really think he lost his mind, but i do think he got angry and then took that anger out on the kids. and as much as i appreciate what he does and want him to feel supported and respected, well, to quote padme, he's going somewhere i cannot follow. (or maybe that was samwise? i can't remember anymore)

my oldest son shaved his upper lip. it was quite, quite fuzzy. and the fuzz was dark. and it was time to remove the hair, which required a razor and so he did that this weekend. and he looks better for it, but i still feel so incredibly weird that my thirteen year old shaved. it is almost too much to accept for me.

and while i'm talking about my oldest son...can i just mention his muscles? his broad chest? his dark eyes that are also beautiful, beautiful smiling eyes. and this long, dark hair he usually has...that looks dirty, scraggly...he just let his dad cut it and now it's to his ears, and you can see his neck, and he's so damned cute. and is it weird to know that if i was thirteen, he'd make my heart beat faster? because i just can't get a grip on how quickly this growing up thing happened and i'm really ashamed and pissed off about how old it makes me feel because if he's this old, then shit, how old is his mother? and that's me and i don't want to feel that way...i want to look at him like my friend, not like some litmus paper/measuring stick/clock ticking of my life, too. dear god, please, help me to gain some perspective...or pick up a hobby...or something.

ok, i just needed to let a little of that out.

so mostly, i've just been mindfucking the soccer coach thing...how to handle it...how to find a cooperative solution....meet the most needs....bla bla bla my spouse and i are not always natural teammates and that became an issue for a little while. but then i just said "fuck it" and well, it made the mindfucking go away, but i'm sure my blood pressure would appreciate a good hour on the treadmill.

and that's why i'm talking about working on my health tonight.

peace out