full moon

today, during o's soccer practice, while i was talking to the rest of the parents, we all watched and appreciated the shift from a lovely day into a beautiful evening. it was so cool...i've talked to these parents all season. but tonight, we talked politics. let me say, i live in a small, conservative town in texas...i don't talk politics...not with people i haven't known for at least a year, if not a decade. but tonight was different. i listened a lot before i spoke...but it was neat to listen to them all. and then we'd all stop for awhile to take in the night...and then the conversation would go on.

things have been really busy lately. and at times like this, a lot gets shifted aside. but there are some things that are just a part of life. and just because i haven't had time to put them into words doesn't mean they weren't shifting, too...changing me...making life richer. but it's funny, to me, to appreciate what i can't name. my friend ken did a blog awhile back where he said that upon observing a beautiful sunset with a friend, probably the best way to put it into words would be to point and say, "ugh." that made me laugh. but it is so true sometimes... i guess the true test is whether you're sharing space with someone who would have a clue what "ugh" meant. but i feel like i've been fortunate enough to share space with people who just might get it...and give a lot back in return.

there are so many things i'd like to talk about...my kids...my spouse...my family and friends. hsing. the co-op. church. but something inside of me just says it's not time to try to put these things into words yet. and i am trying so hard to respect it...because it's not that difficult to force these fingers to type something....anything... but i will wait til it's time...

peace

stuff and whatnot

i have done so much cleaning since we got home from soccer today. o's team lost today...4 to 1. his team plays very well...it's another season with a new team, so it's hard to play against teams who seem to know each other better than our newbies, but i have been impressed during both games i've been to with how well they do...well, you know, even though they've lost both games.

my two middles are spending the night with some friends tonight. that will leave me with my oldest and my youngest...which is almost perfect because i've been feeling like i'm trying to find the balance between extremes somewhat lately...

i've been thinking a lot about marriage...and love...aging...the progression of time...and the nature of god...stuff like that.

here's a song that i love and i've been thinking about a lot lately, as well. when i hear it on my cd, it makes me all teary eyed to think of this version...


peace

working on health

or at least thinking about working on it....

this song's been going through my head for a couple of weeks now...i've wanted to post it but didn't want to seem too dramatic...but give me enough drama in a weekend, and well, i just quit worrying about seeming dramatic, i guess.



highlights of my weekend...

my son's soccer coach lost his mind just a little bit. i don't really think he lost his mind, but i do think he got angry and then took that anger out on the kids. and as much as i appreciate what he does and want him to feel supported and respected, well, to quote padme, he's going somewhere i cannot follow. (or maybe that was samwise? i can't remember anymore)

my oldest son shaved his upper lip. it was quite, quite fuzzy. and the fuzz was dark. and it was time to remove the hair, which required a razor and so he did that this weekend. and he looks better for it, but i still feel so incredibly weird that my thirteen year old shaved. it is almost too much to accept for me.

and while i'm talking about my oldest son...can i just mention his muscles? his broad chest? his dark eyes that are also beautiful, beautiful smiling eyes. and this long, dark hair he usually has...that looks dirty, scraggly...he just let his dad cut it and now it's to his ears, and you can see his neck, and he's so damned cute. and is it weird to know that if i was thirteen, he'd make my heart beat faster? because i just can't get a grip on how quickly this growing up thing happened and i'm really ashamed and pissed off about how old it makes me feel because if he's this old, then shit, how old is his mother? and that's me and i don't want to feel that way...i want to look at him like my friend, not like some litmus paper/measuring stick/clock ticking of my life, too. dear god, please, help me to gain some perspective...or pick up a hobby...or something.

ok, i just needed to let a little of that out.

so mostly, i've just been mindfucking the soccer coach thing...how to handle it...how to find a cooperative solution....meet the most needs....bla bla bla my spouse and i are not always natural teammates and that became an issue for a little while. but then i just said "fuck it" and well, it made the mindfucking go away, but i'm sure my blood pressure would appreciate a good hour on the treadmill.

and that's why i'm talking about working on my health tonight.

peace out