head vs. water...who will end up on top?

well, maybe it's not that dramatic...but i thought it was a good title...

we've just taken on a lot this semester. and while i think it is all very exciting and worthwhile stuff...and while i believe my family is at a point to be able to work cooperatively to achieve these goals we have set for this semester...and while i KNOW i'm not the only person who has any responsibility in maintaining the course we've laid out...i'm a little, uh, nervous. it's a lot of stuff...really, really cool stuff...a lot...yeah.

rock climbing again...woo-hoo! piano and flute lessons still...coolness. the cooperative effort has worked out and is a go...very, very exciting. robotics...two teams, no less...what more could a mama ask for? how about soccer?...but we haven't heard back on that one. and then there's ccd...or cce...whatever they're calling it these days. i plan to put the boys in those classes, too. they haven't taken a ccd class in five years. why? i don't know...i'm just not highly motivated to put them in classes pertaining to things as personal as religion when i don't feel i know who will be teaching them. and i realize children learn by example...and i must be providing some sort of example for them...i just have no idea what it is, because i've been so focused on other things. and i don't know why i could maintain a focus with the kids on religion, but i just couldn't. so i'd like them to get at least a year of class. plus i think it might quench my oldest's curiosity about girls...there are a ton of girls in catholicism....snort. i'll just have to keep him away from those preacher's kids...wink.

i worry that i feel so anxious and it hasn't even, you know, started or anything. and i didn't run today...so don't ask if i took my medicine. but i worked hard outside in the yard laying soaker hoses around my foundation and covering the ones in the backyard with hardware cloth...to keep the dogs from ripping them up and pissing me off, i mean challenging my balance. i even have the blisters and poked up hands to prove it. i'm going to try waking up early to run in the morning...the things i'll do to try to stay sane. (rolling eyes here...)

and tomorrow i have some friends coming over. it's under the pretense of a meeting, but i'm just happy to have them over. i don't know why i don't invite folks over more often. well, i often have the problem of wanting to invite everyone if i'm inviting anyone. and then i never feel like my house is clean and always worry people will be grossed out by some nastiness i don't know is there because, well, i'm not great at cleaning. but that just sounds stupid as i type it so whatever.

i do want to finish painting the house this summer so i can put the painting crap away.

sigh...i'm just not sure who's going to end up on top...but i suppose i should stop struggling and being so stiff if i want it to be my head...haha, that's funny. i have to get out of my head so much to keep my head on top. made myself smile...
peace