Thursday, August 21, 2008

huh?

i watched mr. holland's opus with my kids tonight. i desperately needed a feel good movie and it delivered righteously. but then one of those one line picks up where another left off moments happened. during the movie, there's a segment where they play jackson browne's song, the pretender. and i got all nostalgic. my mother used to love that song. she had his album and we used to play it a lot. i loved the pretender and, what was it? was it running on empty? i'm not sure anymore. my mother was a big jackson browne fan.

so i went to you tube to watch the video and i read the words to the song and, well, first i thought maybe i wasn't reading them right. and maybe i didn't. it's been a tiring few days and i am plenty capable of mistakes, even when i'm not impaired. but "starting out so long ago only to surrender"? and "believe in the lie of those things that money can buy"? there were other lines, too. i don't know... but i will say, that after reading the words while listening to this song that i am not so sure i feel inspired by the message of, i find i can't help but feel that good kind of nostalgic feeling while hearing it still. and that's kind of how i feel about so much of my childhood. like i am seriously warped because of the nostalgia i feel for things that kind of sicken me?... does that make sense? i don't know...

my spouse and i argued today. it came down to what we value, as people. it was this discussion about how what he values doesn't mean that he doesn't value what i value (because they can be kind of different, depending what level we're talking about). which i understand. but it seems if i tell him something i'd like him to do, even if he doesn't value it....and i don't mean tell him like once or twice...we've been together for fifteen years this month....and if he values me, then maybe...anyway...sigh...some thoughts just never seem as powerful or even relevant in words as the emotion that accompanied them when they were born (or reborn for the hundredth time, i guess).

so here's jackson browne's song...see what you think...i'm not judging it or anything...i was just kind of surprised to see the actual words to this song i used to sing with all of my eight year old heart...but oddly, maybe i am starting to figure out why my mother's so disappointed with me?...

peace

8 comments:

*Jess* said...

funny, my mom is a huge jackson browne fan as well!

Ken said...

In reading the words without the music, I am reminded that they are a lyrical description of Samsara. Doing Doing Doing all the while ignorant of our true nature...

earthmama said...

but what are the lyrics embracing? i mean, it sounded to me last night like it was saying give up trying to find your true nature...give up those young, idealistic drives...surrender. but i admit i haven't even listened to the song today... :)

Ken said...

Your true nature and NOT your ego. Your true nature is not young or old. Your true nature is not an idea. An idea is a mental construct. How can it be idealistic or contain idealism?

As for this commentor, he is not disappointed in you. You are holy.

A very potent song about surrender is "Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan the lines that get me are:

"And I don’t understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
I miss the little things
I miss everything (about you)"

From the Christian perspective, could you imagine the effect of Christ touching you with his hand.
Your ego would instantly fall and you would wake up. By waking up you would miss the teacher. When you are the "Pretender" you are not the authentic you. Ask yourself am I pretending now? If you answer in the affirmative, pretend to be something creative and interesting. When the time comes that we each take off our personaes we can all have a good laugh and challenge each other to greater entrigues in the next cycle. (I know crazy talk). Some of us simply cannot wait our turn and want to lift the curtain and see the great OZ before we've all agreed to.

I've written and erased alot from this point but felt that it would not be helpful...

K

Ken said...

****Typo in first sentence.
Please replace the word "and" with the word "is"

K

earthmama said...

i understand what you're saying about essence not being ego. i didn't mean to say they were the same thing. i meant to say that the pursuing of the awareness of one's true nature is often seen as young and naive...well, at least in my family. and i think my mom's been waiting for me outgrow it, get a job, and have a nice life where i get to buy nice things. i mean, she wants me to be happy, too...these are the things that make her happy.

so when's this time we've all agreed to glimpse our true selves?...i don't know if i'm cheating or not...why didn't i get a memo? :)

thank you for your kind words...funny thing about you...you think we're all holy, don't you? ;) (you have got to read this book, lamb, that i'm reading ken...it will crack you up)

thanks, friend...

corscorp said...

"sigh...some thoughts just never seem as powerful or even relevant in words as the emotion that accompanied them when they were born..."

Man, I get that! That's the part they aren't hearing when we say they aren't listening.

earthmama said...

yeah...and i think it works best as a combined effort. (meaning we understand what they can't hear and they acknowledge they don't know it all...snort...helpful, aren't i?...yeah, well, i'm still working on it...) :) <3