Tuesday, July 29, 2008

good byes

my grandmother buried her sister today. well, she didn't exactly dig the hole or anything, but she went through all the rituals, ceremonies, services, and hymns. i've never seen her cry like that before. i'm sure she cried hard when my grandfather died thirty-four years ago, but since that was, like, a few months after i was born...i don't really remember it.

my grandmother is eighty-five years old. and she is quite spry for an eighty-five year old, let me tell you. her sister was eighty-eight and not really as spry, but still very stern and german and tough, which my grandmother is, too. they used to speak german to each other...we could never tell if it was habit or because they were saying great interesting things they didn't want us to hear. whichever it was, she never taught us any german.

anyway...we said good bye to my great aunt today. (and the minister that spoke at her services...i don't know what was up with him...but he pretty much shut the door on my aunt velma today...no living in the memories and hearts of those who loved her, no living legacy of her love shared...nothing...just the pain of good bye and trust in the lord to take her home...but then we prayed that jesus would recognize her as one of his lambs and, i mean really, how much can you trust a deity that you have to ask to recognize one of his children?...i don't know....it was really kind of weird but different strokes, different folks, etc, i suppose...) i told my grandmother i loved her. and even though i'm rarely around her, i really do. i didn't know her sister very well, to be honest. but i ached deeply for her loss as i felt my grandmother tremble at it. and i admit, i was glad my own sister was there to share the experience.

i was going to add some more quotes from the book i was reading. i finished it last night. but i can do that tomorrow. tonight is also my spouse and my anniversary. with the way things have been lately, it'd been kind of easy to just let it go...but i'm smarter than that. we won't do anything huge, but we will share it and at the least be aware. at the least...sometimes that's the biggest thing lacking...awareness. but i'm working on it.

1 comment:

JO said...

I hope you and N find a way to celebrate tonight, even if it's a small way. Small ways can grow into big, beautiful things.

Stupid minister. Remind me to tell you what a totally different experience my friend R had at the memorial service for his mom. It was as lovely and wonderful as your great-aunt's was, just, wrong. I am glad you were there for your grandma today.