don't fuck with my sunshine

so... this one goes out primarily to the chief resident who has no idea how close he came to just screwing up a fair chunk of the universe today.... it wasn't huge on a global scale, but on a "how much does this affect my universe" scale...it was really big.

see, this chief is on N's team. there are three of them on his team this rotation. and the other one (that's not N and not the chief) asked the chief about having this weekend off in the past. and the chief said he'd cover for her. but today, the chief decided he needed the weekend off and told N that he was the only team member left to do rounds for the team in the morning. when N mentioned he was on call last weekend and the next weekend, the chief's response was, "well, we all do it our intern year." oops...

see, N's not in his twenties. he did not get out of high school, go pre med, and apply to med schools, find the wife in undergrad and get her to wait til med school to procreate, and now, with toddlers in tow, she's so excited to FINALLY get the doctor's life. N managed a pharmacy at the point in most of these people's lives that they're in their residencies. so he's a little older. and he's very kind. generous. has a hell of a work ethic. all this chief had to do was, well, ask. but he didn't even have the fucking grace to do that. this guy said he'd cover for someone and then makes N cover for him? i used to think, "the nerve!" but now i see it for what it is....what an idiot.

and i'm sure this is not who this guy is on the grand scheme of things. as a matter of fact, all i know about him is what has impacted my life...which has been pretty damned small. but let me just say, for someone with rather small influence, he really rocked the boat. see, N really likes ob/gyn. he really feels good about the field...and he's damned good at it. (well, for a guy in his first year out of the shoot...there's always room to improve) but that chief really fucked with N's good feelings about the people he's working with....N really hates it when people in charge shit on those beneath them. he's never done it, and i don't think he'll do it when he's a fourth year resident. (which i'll admit ticks me off a bit...because even though i know it's RIGHT, it bums me out that it's not really BALANCED....how's that? "balanced" i just came up with that right there...not "fair", not "even"...)

anyway...we have spent four years chasing a dream. and it has been and still is hard work. and i wouldn't trade it for the world. because not only does it make for a happy and fulfilled spouse (which it does) but it also allows me to be the person i think a spouse should be...supportive, positive, spunky and silly sometimes, and deeply, deeply passionate about my family but also about finding the God in the world and people around me. (who knew?) and it gives my kids real life examples of what people are willing to do in the name of what is right and what is important and how to follow our hearts. we may not get everything right, but we are DOING something, be damned! and as much that has changed in the last four years, one of the steady things is N's commitment to this path. we are steadily behind him, but he kind of leads...i mean, sometimes i might break down a few ferns in the way (nothing too strenuous) but he leads with his head and heart. and this chief almost broke N's heart and really fucked with his head. man, he was so pissed. and i can get him through pissed. but he also came home really disheartened, and that's not so easy. n went with him to pick up a few things and now N's out with a friend for a beer.

i think he'll be fine. it will take much more than this to derail things (not that i really hope to ever see just HOW MUCH it would take...). but the next time i see that chief, because i just KNOW I WILL, i think i'll just ask him if he's seen the sunshine lately...

peace