breathe

first of all, i have a pounding headache. i have had a pounding headache off and on since about tuesday. i guess i'll just have to suck it up and try the neti pot, but i'm kind of ashamed to say i am contemplating just skipping straight to the pills...but only kind of ashamed...

this is one of those times in the year when things get going really fast, and if you don't hang on, the fucking carousel will fling you and not even miss you, you know? my kids were kind of tense today. and then we went to watch my niece play a basketball game--she's in a tourney here--and things seemed a lot better. go buy a gift for nephew who's birthday is today (ok, call made, whew), come home and unpack car, clean it out, make plans to meet bil and fam and niece and friend for dinner, tell kids to get shoes on and WHAM, first and third borns are facing off, yelling at each other in the driveway... uh, what the hell happened here?!?! and do i really care or do i just want it to fucking BE OVER?.... (this is an important question to ask yourself before acting...because the first requires a lot of time that if you're really the second you will resent the shit out of being asked to give said time...just something i've learned from experience)

so that carousel almost flung us all... but we made it through. ate chinese buffet--which is not going to help the sinus pain i've been having this week, but fuck it. and now we're home. half the kids are watching a movie and the other half are listening to harry potter and the goblet of fire. and a phone is being passed around for birthday wishes... a small sigh is manageable...

something kind of random that tends to bother me this time of the year is that i see so many people i don't usually see....and it is such a crazy, busy time.... it becomes hard when you hear, "so, how are you doing?" multiple times, to remember you're supposed to be pleasant when answering and not spout off the latest top ten things that are really, really stressing you out....that that's not really what people you don't see very often are asking. they're just being social and dumping on them is not the social way to respond. i can be a little morbidly intense and might every once in awhile take myself and the rest of the world a bit too seriously, but there has to be an honest way of dealing with this that doesn't make everyone look at me like perhaps i could use a little rest in a padded cell.

ok, purging is over for the night. hope i can breathe a little better. i think the glass of pinot noir i'm going to pour myself in a bit might help a little, too.
sweet dreams
peace