Wednesday, November 21, 2007

worms roxanne, i was afraid of worms....

in the movie, this line was supposed to be delivered using "words" instead of "worms"... it has always been one of my favorite lines. but i am not afraid of words... i have a ton of them and i use them almost constantly...bahaha

when i was teaching (well, i still am teaching...but when i was teaching other people's kids in schools not run by me), one of the goals we were always pressed to achieve was a "literature rich environment" for our students. with preschoolers, it meant labeling everything...window...door....chair...(i always wanted to make one that said "little white piece of paper" :) ) it also meant lots of posters with words, alphabet cards, a writing center, books everywhere. for older levels it meant giving them access to a variety of written media...reading aloud...library visits...

when i was teaching (we've been through this already) , we were also always encouraging our kids to use their words. sometimes, we even had to encourage each other to use our words because for some reason, teachers can be a pretty passive aggressive group of women...but that's a different blog...try calm assertive energy. but it just occurred to me the other day how much we pushed the importance of words. using them, being able to read them, writing them. i still do it as a parent...(and a teacher of my own kids) and even now, i still try to hone my ability to convey accurately what i am thinking.

but sometimes, i think i work too hard at the words. sometimes, i am so dominated by trying to work through something, find the words, figure it out...that i make myself miserable. because while i am doing all that thinking...i am not doing anything else usually. i mean, if i write for a bit, that usually helps because writing is an action. it's when i immobilize myself thinking, searching for those perfect words that will unlock the door to an eternity of happiness, that i'm speaking of specifically.

i got in an argument with n last night. and it sucked. because i did not see it coming and it felt pretty crappy all around. i'm sure it had to do with N being home and kind of upsetting the balance in mine and n's interactions. and that was as disconcerting as the actual argument. i think the weirdness was felt by N, too, because he ended up getting kind of drunk last night. (sometimes i think he would do well to use a few more words than he does, but what the hell do i know?) the irony was that afterward i was thinking about what i could have said differently, or better, or what i should have said instead....and i really think i just should've shut up.

so today i told my kids that it was good to use your words. but that sometimes there were things that words wouldn't work to make better. and that it was okay to just try doing something--as long as it does not hurt someone else or yourself--and see how you felt after that.

it's not that i think words are bad...i'm still not afraid of them. i just think it's another thing that i tend to get out of balance with. ok, off to go DO something....

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